Posted by: seanmalstrom | December 11, 2014

Customer Imagination Vs. Aonuma Imagination

Will catch up on things in a few days. But for now…

This is what people, drinking hype, are imagining for Zelda U:

This is what the actual reality will be.

Any questions?

Posted by: seanmalstrom | December 7, 2014

Final Fantasy VII at TGS was not the big troll

This was not trolling compared to this…

…and we got this instead…

Zelda basically ended as a franchise then.

In fact, Aonuma’s entire career is one of trolling. “This next Zelda will be like the original…” BULLSHIT. The technical trailer for Wii U, which looked awesome, and then Zelda U trailer we got at E3 was another troll.

Sakamoto somehow surpassed Aonuma in trolling the audience.

“Metroid: Other M is the sequel to Super Metroid.”

hahahahahahahahahahafhfhahsadfllolololololozlolzozlzozlzlzohahabahjahahhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Above: The ‘sequel’ to Super Metroid!!!!!

Posted by: seanmalstrom | December 6, 2014

Email: Epona is the new sailing

Greetings Master Malstrom, I’m sure you’re going to be inundated with messages about this, so I hope you’ll forgive me another rant on top of it.

So we finally have some more footage of the new Zelda. Initially I’m somewhat optimistic, seeing how large and vast the world will be to explore. My mind races at the possibility of that incredible feeling of discovery from the first game upon finding a secret cave or the next dungeon.

However then Aonuma gets up on a horse and starts galloping towards his destination. He’s barely pressing any buttons, Epona is on auto pilot. All Aonuma is doing is turning around the camera and showing off the scenery.

Remember how great it was to get Epona in Ocarina of Time? How much fun it was to shoot arrows and hop over fences. Or how about Twilight Princess (the closest Aonuma got to a real Zelda game) when you got to run around swinging your sword on horseback like a badass?
Well say goodbye to enjoying all that, because Aonuma has now even managed to ruin Epona and turn her into the new sailing mechanic. Seriously, all that’s different is that instead of a boat its a horse, and instead of endless blue you’re staring at the grass for hours on end while you wait to get to the next spot where actual gameplay gets to happen. Miyamoto all but asks “are we there yet?” during the segment, its laughable.

 

Interesting interpretation.

 

 

 

Posted by: seanmalstrom | December 6, 2014

Email: Was there hate for SMB?

was there hate for Super Mario Brothers? I know there was, and there is, love. I know it might have some hate today from the hardcore. Was there hate in 1985?

Any more questions?

Super Mario Brothers was Nintendo and Nintendo was Super Mario Brothers. The vicious attacks on Nintendo were attacks on Super Mario Brothers. The NES did not sell because of Urban Champion or Pinball but because of Super Mario Brothers. Atari was dragging Nintendo through the courts. The US Congress used Nintendo as a political football. Nintendo had to delay expansion in Europe because of all the lawsuits.

Here is a letter from my attorney general:

nintendoletter

Click on the letter, reader. I dare you. The attorney general gave me the letter to tell me that “We got Nintendo! Yeah!” They didn’t, really, but Nintendo maneuvered it into US attorney generals giving everyone a $5 coupon for a NES game.

Older gamers on the PC didn’t care too much for Super Mario Brothers and neither did parents. Kids who grew up with Mario will swear that no one ever hated Mario. A similar parallel would be Minecraft. Kids can’t imagine anyone hating Minecraft, but Minecraft did get hate. It was an ‘indie game’, a ‘blocky game’, and so on and so forth. Tetris, believe it or not, also got hate. It is hard to imagine, just as in time it will be hard to imagine how anyone could hate on the innocent game of Wii Sports or Wii Fit.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | December 6, 2014

Email: Zelda U Gameplay

Looks like the jackass brought back a proper overworld (as opposed to, uh, an ocean or sky), but based on what I’m seeing, it seems to be suffering from Twilight Princess-syndrome.  It looks empty.  Nice forest and all, but can I burn down the trees?  Will there be hoards of dangerous enemies?  I doubt it.  At least the horse is back though.
No doubt you’ll HAVE to use the GamePad to play this game.  Ugh.  I for one liked having full control of Link’s sword with the Wii Remote.  But Nintendo is too busy listening to the nerd gamers since that aligns more with what Nintendo developers want to make.

Oh, and it looks like Skyrim rattled Aonuma to his core since he is admittedly taking inspiration from it.

 .
 Whoa, an actual overworld! It does make me very excited to see it. They showed a couple of enemies, but here is where I know where they will go wrong. They will make the overworld ‘baby mode’ or ‘nature walk’. Who cares about the apples? Overworld needs to be a dangerous place. Not as dangerous as dungeons, of course, but overworld should not be a nature walk. I haven’t played as much Skyrim as others to relate to it, but I can tell you the overworld Nintendo needs to take inspiration from…
.
Minecraft.
.
Above: This video of Minecraft Alpha, uploaded by Notch himself, best represents my view on how Minecraft got so popular. No one makes worlds like this anymore.
.
Minecraft is the largest 3d overworld ever made (on the PC, it goes on forever!). But the overworld is dangerous especially at night. Minecraft is SO DAMNED POP”ULAR, hell, MINECRAFT IS MORE POPULAR THAN ZELDA EVER WAS AT ITS PEAK. What is Minecraft? Much of the game is a large, vast overworld where you can do anything you really want. I ask the kids who play the game, “Why you like this game with its blocky graphics?” They reply they don’t care about the graphics. They like how the game lets them do what they want. And minecraft does have scary villains in the game. I don’t think I’ve ever been scared of a villain in Aonuma Zelda. The villains in Aonuma Zelda can be either pushovers or annoying, but never scary. They are not a creeper who blows itself up. Look at any retail shop and you will find Nintendo plush toys, for sure, but also Minecraft plush toys. It is amazing how massive Minecraft has become.
.
If Aonuma is taking inspiration from Skyrim, it is because Skyrim ACTUALLY SELLS. I am damned sure Nintendo did some market research on Skyrim and asked, “Why are people buying this game and not Aonuma Zelda?” The massive overworld has to be a huge factor in it.
.
I don’t trust Aonuma. This jumping off the horse in slow motion to shoot arrows seems like it is anime inspired and seems somewhat disconnected from the gameplay. Why not use a special item that ‘slows time’ for that? It could be something like an upgrade like the upstrike or downstrike in Zelda 2.
.
The world needs secrets. There needs to be things to find.
.
I will tell Nintendo a tip from seeing Ultima’s rise and fall. Ultima had GIGANTIC overworlds. Now thinking back, that is why we really bought the game. We didn’t really care about the main quest. We just did whatever. The *story* was never that huge of a factor in Ultima, but the lore of the game world was massive, massive, massive. NPCs who had schedules, being able to read books on a shelf, etc. etc.
.
Here is the tip: start with a vast, vast empty overworld first (which appears what Nintendo has done) and THEN populate it with secrets. This is how the classic Ultima games were done. Games like Ultima 7 had their overworld made first and then the designers went in and tried to fill in the empty spaces with secrets and stuff. Players fondly remember traveling empty spaces and, sometimes, finding something secret. The empty spaces were not a negative to the experience but a positive.
.
Richard Garriot thought it would be an ‘improvement’ to use modern technology to design every town and dungeon first and then ‘knit them together’ so there would be no empty spaces. The result is Ultima 9, a hated Ultima game. So my tip is to go oldschool and put in a big godddamn overworld and just fill it in later. The empty spaces won’t matter but will add to the experience. (Obviously, some stuff has to be put in.)
.
I did enjoy some parts of Twilight Princess (the beginning of the game was atrocious though). If Aonuma goes the vast overworld direction like we’re seeing, it will be a vast improvement over his prior games. Twilight Princess also sold extremely well in the West.
.
As with any other Aonuma Zelda, there may be a step in the right direction but steps in the wrong direction. I expect the combat to feel like a joke as it always has been, that there won’t be any feelings of growth due to a lack of RPG/item system (items for killing, not just for puzzles), some dorky NPCs, bad story writing, and a general lack of fantasy. People don’t want trains. They don’t want anime. They want a Tolkien type rooted fantasy land. They want their dragons, their knights, their usual tropes. Zelda used to do this.
.
.
 Above: From Zelda 1’s manual
.
.
Above: From Zelda 2’s manual
.
Is it really hard for Zelda to have some traditional fantasy in it? When people buy Mario, they do not want SR388 in it. When people buy Metroid, they do not want Mushroom Land in it. So why is it when we buy Zelda, we get creepy shit that wouldn’t ever belong in any fantasy game?
.
.
No!
.
No!
.
.
Now THIS is a better type of NPC. He doesn’t say much, but it is very memorable. He also attacks you if you attack him!
Posted by: seanmalstrom | December 6, 2014

Mario Maker now has SMB 3 and World in it

I’m still unsure about this. Physics is a huge part of 2d Mario and will that be represented? Are we stuck with just making one level at a time? Can we make overworlds?

What Nintendo really needs to do is to make a Zelda Maker. This will never happen though because it would rip to shreds the myth that Zelda is about ‘puzzles’. A Zelda 1 and 2 editor would be AWESOME especially if Nintendo puts in some new items. Throw in Link to the Past editor and OMGWTFBBQ style excitement occurs. But Aonuma does not like those Zelda games and does not consider them Zelda games. The reason why custom editors will work with classic Zelda is because classic Zelda is based around arcade action and a RPG system. Super Mario Brothers was designed at the same time, and by the same team, of those who worked on Legend of Zelda. The two games share the same gaming DNA.

Does this Mario Maker signal Nintendo will abandon 2d Mario forever? That’s not the vibe I’m getting. 2d Mario is just too damn profitable. 2d Mario sells more than 3d Mario and bad 2d Mario sells at the same level or slightly less than the best 3d Mario. Yet, 2d Mario will always be more profitable. It is a freaking gold mine.

Nintendo may be realizing that 2d Mario has a future but NSMB does not. The NSMB train is over. By including NSMB in the editor, I think Nintendo is saying “We are done with NSMB,” A new 2d Mario will hopefully have a new game engine and be… well… new. Retro is kicking Nintendo’s ass on the 2d platformer part… or so I’ve heard.

Much more can be done with 2d Mario. 2d Mario should not be confined to the NSMB prism. I think Nintendo might be seeing that. This Mario Maker, itself, is Nintendo confirming that 2d Mario transcends a *type*.

Super Mario Brothers

Super Mario Brothers 3

Super Mario World

NSMB

We’re just missing Doki Doki Panic, but it is clear that NSMB is Super Mario Brothers 5. My feelings on the games are now finding their words… NSMB DS, NSMB 2, NSMB Wii, NSMB U, NSMB Luigi are all seen by the consumer as THE SAME GAME. NSMB DS is, of course, the handheld versions. But NSMB Wii is considered the Super Mario Brothers 5. NSMB U is seen as a ‘Part 2′ to that like how The Lost Levels is seen as a Part 2 to Super Mario Brothers where everyone sees Super Mario Brothers 3 as the substantial sequel.

Has Nintendo realized this? We will see. 2d Mario is more than just ‘level design’. If it were, then Lost Levels would have been more popular and Doki Doki Panic would NOT have been accepted as Super Mario Brothers 2 in the West. The entire game engine, the worlds, all of that matters.

With Hyrule Warriors selling better than expected in the West, I’m hoping Nintendo gets on the right direction. I left Nintendo for dead during the N64 and Gamecube Eras because we were screaming “Hey, not every game needs to be 3d you morons! Stop trying to push 3d on us!” Nintendo was so overshooting the market’s gaming needs. The DS and the Wii told me Nintendo figured it out where they needed to go. Now with the 3DS and Wii U, it feels like Nintendo wants to push 3d on us again (resulting in a similar market decline).

Seeing the hardware for Generation 9 successor to the 3DS will tell us much about Nintendo’s plans and about where they intend to go for Generation 9 home console. Nintendo customers who haven’t bought a 3DS or Wii U are, like during the N64 and Gamecube years, just waiting for Nintendo to make a non-hostile system with non-hostile games.

And I hope to never see another NSMB game again. Give me  Super Mario Brothers 6!

Posted by: seanmalstrom | November 29, 2014

No hate? No love

Where is the Amiibo hate? You don’t see threads dedicated to hating Amiibos. You don’t see anyone talking about how “dumb those Amiibos are” except, maybe, on this page.

In entertainment, the worst thing you can do is be boring. Good entertainment hits the emotions, both good and bad emotions. Bad entertainment doesn’t hit any emotions. Video games that receive a ton of love also receive a ton of hate. Video games no one cares about has no one bothering about it. If a video game isn’t receiving hate, it isn’t receiving love either.

Was the Wii hated? Yes, but it was also loved. Was Wii Fit hated? Yes, but it was also loved.

I cannot find any Amiibo hate on the Internet. No one cares to crap on them. This raises my suspicions of any ‘love’ for them. After the ‘novelty’ phase of them goes down, I think people’s attitudes towards them will change.

BTW, I’ve been seeing intense hatred against Heroes of the Storm. Likewise, alpha testers I know absolutely love it. Prediction: the game will be popular. As popular as LoL or Dota? Maybe or maybe not. But it will make some sort of sizable market impact.

Blizzard’s market history is interesting. Quick, reader, tell me what is the RTS king right now. It is Starcraft 2. There isn’t really any other RTS to compete with it. Quick, reader, tell me what is the action-RPG-Loot game right now? It’s probably Diablo 3. There are competitors to it at the moment, but I don’t see them lasting. Quick, reader, tell me the most money grossing MMORPG at the moment? It is World of Warcraft. Its competitors have had no impact aside from being a vacation for WoW players in between WoW expansions.

Based on all this, it is highly probable that Heroes of the Storm will make a sizable impact on the MOBA market. Blizzard is certainly a very interesting competitor.

While this may be ancient history for some, Blizzard is a SNES game developer. Blizzard has to compete with Sonic the Hedgehog and Super Mario World. Not too many PC game companies can lay claim to that.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | November 28, 2014

Email: Amiibo’s had potential

But Nintendo basically said “no”.

They had the grand  potential to be personalized memory cards that don’t need to be inserted into a usb port or memory card slot. They kind of are except that they’re only good for one game at a time.
.
.
Only one game can read and write data. Only Smash Bros does this right now, everything else only recognizes the fact that you’re using an amiibo.
.
If the information in the Neogaf post below is true, the Amiibo’s can only hold 796 bytes of data. That’s less than 1 KB of data.
.
.
Maybe part of the memory is hidden or measurement wasn’t accurate. If it is accurate, that’s less data than an original playstaton memory card (1 MB). The smallest SNES games used a 250 KB rom in their cart. The largest NES game used a 4 MB cart. You can buy 8 GB flash drives and SD cards for about $6 retail now.
.
Amiibo’s really are a scam. They have just released but I don’t see Nintendo fixing them. An online service that transferred data across the net based upon amiibo’s instead of you signing into a friends system would be great. It wouldn’t be better than just having the data on the amiibo but it would genuinely be a neat feature.
.
In Bravely Default (3DS game, easy version of the original FF with 100% skippable anime-esque scenes), if you attach one of your friends characters to your own character, you gain access to their abilities so that you don’t have to earn them. You only have access for as long as they’re attached. Amiibo’s should have been primed to do such a thing locally. Like if I had everything Smash Bros or Mario Kart and you just jumped on the Nintendo bandwagon today, I should be able to play with you with everything available.
.
Or how about Wii Fit U? They released a Wii Fit Trainer Amiibo. I should be able to set up an exercise session with a friend at their place, bring my amiibo and have all of my stats and weight follow me so that I can keep everything up-to-date when I go home (and vice-versa). Not possible, there’s no word on patching it in. Even if there was, you have the one game per amiibo limitation due to their extreme cheapness on storage.
.
You attach amiibo’s to a mii on your system, it should actually go both ways. That way if I come over to your place to play Wii Sports in HD, my Mii pops up.
.
They could have attached an NES game, Game & Watch game, or a little e-card style game to each Amiibo. They could have been a true thing to get excited about. Instead we have tiny figurines that would be jealous of a 3.5″ floppy when you assemble them. Master Malstrom, that’s just dumb. Nintendo has good ideas but they just screw them up constantly by trying to be cheap or refusing to fully acknowledge their market.

 

I like the way you think, emailer. Can you imagine if Amiibos were game based? Mario with a fireball would have Super Mario Brothers on it. Mario with a raccoon tail would have Mario 3 on it. Link could have different incarnations based on the game. A physical VC game would be so awesome!

There is so much more that should be done with Amiibos, it seems that they are released now just to time it with Smash Brothers.

Smash Brothers is an OK game. However, not everyone likes a mascot fighter. That’s fine because everyone likes different things. But Nintendo is making figurines based on the mascots and expecting everyone of the entire console userbase to buy.

I keep suspecting Nintendo has its head in the sand on one important level: Nintendo thinks gamers’ tastes are their tastes and the people they read on the Internet. For example, Smash Brothers has large communities on the Internet. People debate all the time over the game. Inside Nintendo, people may do the same. So Nintendo sees these online communities and thinks, “Yeah! They play like we do. Therefore, we are on the right path.” I think sales are the better measurement.

When I look at Wii U sales, I see a console that is NOT PLEASING PEOPLE. Yet, in Bizarro World, there are people who claim the Wii U is the most awesome console ever. This cannot be if the console is not pleasing people. A game console cannot be based around one type of consumer or else you end up with something like the Neo Geo and its fighter games or the Turbographx 16 and its shmups.

Look at the Gamecube. That console was a MASSIVE FAILURE. Iwata correctly said, “If we keep making consoles that sell like the Gamecube, we should not be in this business.” Why did the Gamecube fail? It was for the same reasons why game consoles succeed. The games. It is always the games. People will try to say it isn’t the games, that it is the timing, the weather, the marketing, the color of the console, anything to deflect from the games. I see this deflection go both ways. People DENY DENY DENY that games are what caused the Gamecube to not sell and DENY DENY DENY that games are what caused the Wii to sell.

Nintendo needs to make games for everyone instead of just Nintendo fans. Amiibos seem to be designed for Nintendo fans.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | November 27, 2014

Email: Something you keep missing about Amiibos…

You used to talk all the time in your disruption posts about companies (like Harley Davidson for example) basically giving up on the mass market and focusing 100% of their efforts on the customers that spend the most money only.
.
What you don’t seem to realize about this latest effort of Nintendo’s is that figurine collecting is huge in japan, or at least there are enough collectors to make it a full blown “industry” of its own. Look up “Japanese figure collecting” or some variation thereof in a Google image search if you want to see some real nightmare fuel. These guys are the subject of much ridicule on western forums where this behavior was never widespread and has NO acceptance whatsoever. Most publishers in Japan already produce figurines for the collectors market. Amiibos were made to milk revenue out of these guys. Only Nintendo is arrogantly thinking they can bring the phenomenon to the West, which has a 0% chance of working.
.
So what this is really all about is Nintendo re-strategizing after the failure of the WiiU and 3DS to become a heavily niche focused company making products for only the most extreme heavy spenders. It’s Nintendo giving up and falling back on the “Japanese centrism” that you’ve often criticized. I’d expect this will be coupled with more anime-styled games as well. And likely that Zelda will move more toward Wind Waker rather than away from it. I also wouldn’t be surprised by a Metroid: Other M sequel (whether in name or gameplay style) for the same reason. Nor would I be surprised if they attempt to revive irrelevant series like Star Fox or F-Zero just to appease their cult followings, presumably with heavy character focus.
.
In short: Expect Nintendo to become THE MOST HARDCORE games publisher of them all.

.
Oh dear guys. We’ve got a Japanese Culture Expert (c) over here!

What Nintendo is doing with the Amiibos is not innovative or new. Activision did it first with Skylanders.

You might ask, “Gee, Malstrom, how did Activision, which is a Biiiiiig Game Industry Company, which you abhor, make something so innovative and cool that Nintendo is playing copycat?”

I am glad you asked, reader. The reason for this innovation is due to a game company no one ever mentions (except me): Toys For Bob. Toys For Bob created Skylanders.

“Who the hell is Toys for Bob?”

The company was founded by Paule Reiche III and Fred Ford. While their first games were Star Control and Star Control 2, the history goes back further. Reiche helped make the original Archon which was EA’s very first game in 1983.

Notice the woman’s credit in the title screen? She was the PROGRAMMER. I’ve always been very annoyed how no one mentions that one of the most iconic PC games was programmed by a woman. Perhaps it is because other games were made by women such as King’s Quest.

Reiche III was involved in Mail Order Monsters. What a high concept type game!

But with Fred Ford, the two made Star Control.

And the most famous game they made: Star Control 2.

(Note: Star Control 2 is one of my favorite games of all time, easily in the top 5 favorite PC games. It is a Space Combat/ RPG /Adventure Game. Its story is as good as a novel.)

Toys For Bob also made games like Pandemonium and Unholy War for the PlayStation. When the Wii launched, Toys for Bob made one of the launch games. I said…

“Hey! It is my good friends, Toys for Bob, making a launch game for the Wii. The game they made was Tony Hawk: Downhill Racing which I did buy, dear reader. You can tell how restrained they were in the license, but they definitely made it enjoyable and fun. Try it out if you dare. It was my most played Wii launch game after Twilight Princess.” Toys for Bob already made a cult classic with Star Control. Usually, makers of Cult Classic games are ripe to make a game about to burst out into the masses.

And Toys for Bob did that with Skylanders. Good for them. Unfortunately for their success, they will be condemned to make nothing but Skylanders games until the franchise dies as this is how the industry works.

Toys for Bob also has another great potential talent that no one knows but I. Do you know you know what it is, reader? Of course not. That is why you are reading this page. Toys for Bob is the only way I see to resurrect Bomberman or Bomberman-type gameplay. While Toys for Bob making a spiritual sequel to Star Control is top on my list, I think their true potential is in continuing the gameplay of Bomberman and evolving it.

(Toys for Bob employees are Bomberman freaks. They’re like addicted to that second SNES version of Bomberman! If Activision Big Suit went down to Toys for Bob and said, “Sorry guys. You have to make a Bomberman type game now.” They would be doing cartwheels I bet.)

We’re never going to see another Bomberman from Hudson or Konami, right? I think Toys for Bob is the company that can do Bomberman justice.

But I am just a *silly cow*. Never forget to *enjoy the sauce!*

Posted by: seanmalstrom | November 27, 2014

email: scamiibo

Hey Sean,

you’re spot on with the viral marketers about amiibo. And they go quite into extremes, if you’re against amiibo, it’s funny. So far I completely ignored the amiibo thing. They didn’t seem to add anything to the games and I just want to play video games, not collect figurines. But I do own a Wii U and my favorite game right now is Hyrule Warriors, which is a lot of fun and keeps me playing. It’s the perfect game after a day of hard work and you can put tons of hours into it, so I really only need this one game right now. The new Smash doesn’t interest me as much, because it seems to be the same old. Don’t know why people are so excited about this, but that’s a different story…

Now they announced that the (ugly) Link amiibo unlockes a new weapon in Hyrule Warriors. A new weapon is a completely different way of playing the game, a new experience, so that’s not content anymore, which you can easily ignore, like a stronger CPU or some silly costumes. Of course I want that new weapon, but I don’t want to buy an amiibo, which is a conflict of interest. And all Nintendo does here is locking DLC behind a figurine. They won’t offer the weapon as separate DLC, you can only get it with amiibo. They’re trying to scam you into buying figurines in order to get the content, you want. What’s even the point of having downloadable(!) content, if you now need a physical key to unlock it?

So, naturally I wasn’t happy about the situation and tried to express my concerns about those “scamiibo” on a message board. Big mistake. The viral marketers and angry fanboys went all crazy over me. Their main argument was that the scamiibo will keep unlocking content in future games. But I don’t care about potential use in the future, I only care about Hyrule Warriors right now and spending 15€ on a figurine to get one weapon in a game is certainly not reasonable, especially if I don’t want said figurine. They even called me a poor person, because “why wouldn’t someone want to buy amiibo…?” I could buy them all, if I wanted to, but I don’t. That’s the whole point. I don’t want to buy figurines to get video game content.

And if Nintendo keeps locking content behind scamiibo, they will lose another costumer. They already lost 90% of their costumers over the Wii U, so what’s one more? It’s even the same principle, just on smaller scale. They keep forcing the Wii U GamePad on their costumers, without even using it in their current games. None of the big Nintendo titles this year utilized the GamePad in a meaningful way. But you still have to buy and use the GamePad to play their games. I happen to like the GamePad, because I have quite large hands, so the GamePad is really comfortable for me and I enjoy playing with it. It’s the entire opposite of the tiny 3DS. But if I have to buy figurines to get video game content, I’m out…

 

Attention Emailer,

This blog has been hijacked by me…. the wondrous Aonuma. Malstrom is not in right now. You must talk to me.

You are not allowed to like Hyrule Warriors the way you do. Remember, Zelda is only about puzzles. It is not about combat or killing things. Do you see the Zelda behind me? This is what Zelda is. Everything before this Zelda was just a complete and utter mess. And don’t tell me you didn’t like it! I will keep re-releasing it again and again until I MAKE people like it! (That original Zelda I talk so much about? Fuck it. It doesn’t need an All-Stars treatment. Let’s pretend it doesn’t exist and has never existed. Remember, Zelda only began with Wind Waker. Time for more puzzles!)

You are very foolish for not wanting to buy the Amiibos. Did you see the Link Amiibo? Do you like how his stand is pure gold? Some people say it is a urine color pole coming out of his rear, but these people do not know art like I know art. You will buy the Amiibo, and you will like it, emailer!

Do you really think Amiibos will stop with the game characters? Ohhhh no! We, the blessed Game Gods, will turn OURSELVES into Amiibos! Shigeru Miyamoto will BECOME an Amiibo! And so will I, the Blessed Aonuma, will become a figure you can place in your house. I expect people to turn their Amiibo Shrines into Game Developer Action Figure Shrines when the time comes. Oh, I am so brilliant!

Goodbye Emailer. Sell your Hyrule Warriors and get the Wind Waker Remastered edition instead. It is time you play Zelda the CORRECT way… which is conveniently my way! Hahahahahhahahahahaha

-<3 Aonuma

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »

Categories

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 202 other followers