Posted by: seanmalstrom | February 7, 2016

Aonuma and ideology

Aonuma says:


 part of me feels that developers putting their own ideologies in games is kind of scary.


What does Aonuma mean by this? It doesn’t matter what Nintendo says, it only matters what Nintendo does. At the moment, Nintendo isn’t saying much. As far as Generation 9 is concerned, Nintendo has made no known action aside from joining with DeNa (or whatever the name of that Internet company is) and making mobile games.

Back with Generation 7, Nintendo couldn’t stop talking about their business strategy and kept pointing to two books: Blue Ocean Strategy and Innovator’s Dilemma. Game journalists, then, did not have the curiosity to crack open those books to have a peek inside. Now, Nintendo says nothing because of competitive pressures. Everyone takes Nintendo’s words seriously now and do not dismiss them as they did during the end of the Gamecube Era.

Also, the DS was already a smash hit before news of the Revolution and its controller were revealed. DS showed Nintendo’s ACTION that could be analyzed for the eventual home console. The Wii was a more evolved strategy of the DS. But at this point, we have nothing, zilch, nada. There is no hardware or software of Nintendo’s actions to be based on.

We cannot analyze Nintendo’s Generation 9 approach because there is nothing to analyze. Generation 8 started in 2010 with the release of the 3DS. I imagine NX handheld will launch in 2016 and NX home console will launch in 2018. 2018 will be FIVE years after the Xbox One and PlayStation 4 launch.

I just got done doing a COMPLETE PLAY-THROUGH (every single level, nothing skipped!) of Super Mario Brothers 3 on original NES hardware. My NES and game is thirty years old… and it still runs beautifully. The challenge, as Cartman discovered when he went to the future to play the Wii, is to find a compatible TV.

You know what I want from future Nintendo hardware? Quality. And by quality, I do not mean it in the hardcore way. Quality, to a hardcore gamer, is ‘omg graphics!’ and as fast tech the hardware can be. To me, quality is hardware that doesn’t break and can stand the test of time. The NES uses hardware from 1983 despite it being sold in America in 1988. The Wii also did well as did the Gameboys.

Cheap and reliable beats ‘zomg cutting edge’. People today do not realize how much of a joke the NES and SNES were hardware wise. People do not realize the joke of the Gameboy or DS were in being ‘bad hardware’.

People do not play hardware. They play games.

What Nintendo may not realize is that the ‘differentiating feature’ of their recent hardware is actually diminishing the hardware. 3D on the 3DS means the hardware is much more expensive, more fragile, all for a 3d gimmick. The Gamepad made the Wii U way more expensive than it had any right in being, plus more fragile. The Wii, on the other hand, was not made more expensive or fragile by the Wii-mote. The DS was not made more expensive or fragile by the touch screen (not by much).

Anyway, at this point we can only wait for actual Nintendo news. I suppose we will have to wait until E3.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 28, 2016

NX to come out in 2016

Macronix, a company that makes the memory for DS/3DS carts, says a key customer is planning their next generation platform. This points to the NX coming out this year. At least, the handheld part of NX coming out this year.

Oh please, please, please go cartridges Nintendo. Nintendo already goes cartridges for their handhelds, so having games go cross platform wouldn’t be too difficult a feat to understand with those same cartridges being able to go into a home console. The handheld hardware and home console hardware are actually not too separate anymore thanks to the smartphone revolution. The costs in flash memory and the hardware for handhelds have gone way down.

Right now, what is Malstrom doing? I am collecting carts. The retro carts are amazing things not just for their durability, but how we can stick them in multiple devices. Oh yes.

Take the Super Nintendo. (Audience cheers.) I can place any SNES game into it, and it plays. With the Super Gameboy, I could put in Gameboy games on my Super Nintendo. There are now third party hardware where you can play Genesis games on your Super Nintendo as well as Gameboy Advance games. You can also buy a Supaboy, which is like a portable SNES handheld that plays those same SNES cartridges.

Anyone who has been participating in the retro scene lately will realize that everything revolves around the cartridges. All the other hardware can amplify those cartridges in various ways.

Would Nintendo move in such a direction? I doubt it. NX is going to heavily leverage DeMa because why else would Nintendo partner with them? I expect much more digital.

Although I would love to see the complete abolition of optical media. Cartridges! This will differentiate Nintendo from Sony and Microsoft in so many ways.

Fuck Amiibos. I’d just buy cartridge after cartridge if Nintendo does what I describe: a system where the cartridge can run on different types of hardware (home console/handheld/?????). Nintendo would make a fortune.

However, Nintendo does not seem interested in winning lately. Therefore, expect more Wacky 3d and a bizarre revival of the Virtual Boy. Miyamoto will want to try out the Virtual Reality thing again before he retires.

Above: NX LEAKED! Here it is! Complete with shown gameplay! Oh, weep, gamers! Weep for the future! Weep for us all!!!!

Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 27, 2016

Oh Fire Emblem!

Nintendo is taking out the Fire Emblem Human Petting Game when the game is localized to North America.

What is worse that the petting game exists in the first place or that Nintendo censored it out? Isn’t Fire Emblem, in itself, GETTING WEIRD? The Otaku-ization of Nintendo continues.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 26, 2016

Everyone needs to quit Social Media

Total Biscuit is quitting social media. Ooohhhoooohhhh.

You know what ‘Social Media’ is? It is people too stupid to know how to code. That’s it. That’s all it is.

Social Media is someone else’s platform. They can censor your speech. They can OWN your speech. It’s not unlike having your editorial published in a newspaper.

Social Media is the ‘consolization’ of the Internet. You have Facebook Console, Twitter Console, Instagram Console, and the ‘normal Internet’ is the glorious PC Master Race. Stop playing around on their platforms. Your cat photos deserve better.

“Aren’t you on WordPress, Malstrom?”

I’m lazy, and this site is a silly gaming site. My significant time would never be devoted to this site. It is also how it has been able to be maintained for so long because I’m doing it with my little finger.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 26, 2016

A game collection I can get behind!

This guy collected every Wii game. He is a smart man.

What many people do not realize is that ‘shovelware’ is prominent on every successful system and is worse on the PlayStation systems. The Wii will be one of the best game systems to collect for. People who do not understand this are those who do not understand video games (there! I said it!). “Why do you say that?” Wii is UNIQUE. There will never be another system like the Wii. The Wii’s mass market games will resonate larger in time. Wii Sports will still be played twenty years from now.

When you think of the SNES library, you, the hardcore gamer, go, “Oh, that is the console for SUPER METROID and CHRONO TRIGGER.” But Super Metroid and Chrono Trigger were not true success stories on the system. When you look at SNES’s launch line up, it is incredible to the gamer. But the market is not made up of gamers. Super Mario World, Castlevania IV, F-Zero, Gradius III, Actraiser, Simcity, Super Ghouls and Ghosts, and Pilotwings are very cool games, but the SNES was losing ground to the Genesis. Do you know why, dear reader? It is because Genesis owned the sports games. Nintendo later flooded the SNES with children software and other crap you don’t want BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT MAKES THE SYSTEM SELL.

You, the beautiful reader, do not remember the shovelware on the SNES. You only remember the games you like. Therefore, you only remember Super Metroid and Chrono Trigger.

The bad Wii games will be forgotten and the good ones will be the ones people are after. When you buy games for the system, you are actually only interested in the good games. The ratio of shovelware is irrelevant. What matters is the number of good games. The increase in so-called shovelware increases the number of good games.

One person’s shovelware is another person’s reason to buy the system. Do not doubt me on this.

Nintendo understands this. So does Microsoft and Sony.

Wii will join the collector’s paradise.

The console I see that will suffer the most will be Wii U. What are the good games on it? Without the online components and digital downloads, what can be collected? There isn’t much. The Wii U console experience is not like the Wii or even the SNES. The variety of games isn’t there. Mario Maker will lose all value when Generation 9 rolls around. There’s a reason why Malstrom hasn’t bought one yet. I still will also never, ever buy a N64.

That said, I did just buy Donkey Kong Country for SNES (that price is skyrocketing) and Tetris and Dr. Mario for SNES (such a combo we will never see again. The game is damn good!). I also purchased Mario Kart Double Dash for the Gamecube. Mario Kart is hot stuff for retro gamers. The SNES version of Mario Kart will soon hit $60 despite being the most numerous supply of games on that system.

I can’t imagine any other Wii games I would want than the ones I have. But my buying habits are different.

I also have a habit for buying, during the current generation, the exact games that will skyrocket in cost years later. My greatest challenge is keeping friends and family from stealing my games. It costs so much to replace a game!!!!! Anyway, I think my buying habits hit the collector’s habits because I always ask myself if I will be playing the game in twenty years from now. It seems to work out well.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 24, 2016

Email: In response to my Star Wars movie critic

Master Malstrom,

I’m happy my email was so great that I got a rise out of an enraged Star Wars fanboy that felt compelled to write dismissing all of my criticisms out of his desperate desire for Episode VII to be good so people can continue peddling the anti-Lucas haterade. Mind you, Lucas has many, many faults, but he at least tried something new with the prequels (and, like Nintendo, mostly missed why people liked the original trilogy in the first place).

Anyway, here’s a short form response to his criticisms of my criticisms:

* I’m okay with Kylo Ren being whiny, but his form of whininess removed any and all sort of threat he had to our heroes. If you’re going to make a villain a brat, you crank it up to 15 on a scale of 10, not an 8. Make him immature to the point where having the power he does is dangerous because he DOESN’T know how to wield it.

* Rey and Finn were very flat character-development wise. I understand there will be sequels that will better flesh them out, but as is, they had no stage presence that demanded my attention and respect. While I don’t think Rey is as Mary Sue-ish as some people think, I do think that she gained her powers way too fast as is.

* My critic says all the prequel films are unspeakably awful, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. They were all definitely not as good as the original trilogy, but to say there was nothing redeeming about them is false. There were many parts of the prequel trilogy I liked (like the POD racing and Darth Maul fight in Episode I, the final fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan in Episode 3, the musical scores, and more), and I feel the people who completely dismiss the prequel trilogy as nothing but garbage are angry because (A) they set their expectations way too high, and Lucas let them (and many others with lower expectations) down, (B) they wanted something grittier and dark, and Lucas wanted to do something more children-friendly, and (C) it’s easier to blanket label all the prequel films as absolute garbage than to actually take the time and see the pros and cons in each individual film (example: The Yoda fight in Episode II was great, but what the heck was Lucas thinking when he wrote that romance dialogue?). If Lucas truly did as much damage to the series with the prequel trilogy as he claims it did, Episode VII wouldn’t have the box office numbers it has now. People are acting like the Prequel trilogy killed Star Wars, but Lucas just didn’t want to make any more films.

Also, he complains about the overuse of CGI, but Episode VII had its fair share of CG overuse, too, not to mention Abrams’ love of lens flare.

* Yes, Star Wars has always been a commercialized product, but releasing a film every single year until 2019 or so will kill the franchise eventually, just like doing so killed Call of Duty. Did anyone actually ask for a film about young Han Solo? There’s very little benefit to making it (are we going to get any actual greater insights into his character from this), and tons of potential drawback if they screw it up and retroactively harm the original trilogy like Metroid: Other M harmed Samus’ character. Rogue One sounds “meh” to me, but at least it doesn’t have the potential to do great damage like the Solo film does).

Star Wars Episode 7 is definitely not the Wii, since the Wii was actually fresh and innovative. It’s definitely the Wii U, which seeks to exploit the success of its predecessor by copying the superficial aspects of it without any of the soul or real reasons it was successful.

Anyway, so this email isn’t just about me refuting his criticisms, I’m happy to see you have The World Ends With You on your upcoming play list. I loved it a ton, but I also found the whole Japanese culture aspect of it interesting (it being set in Shibuya and all). I know you don’t like a ton of Japanese culture stuff in your video games, so I hope you post your impressions of it so I can see how much our opinions end up diverging.

P.S: I completely understand if you don’t end up posting this email, since you probably don’t want an internet email fight going on over your blog.


OK, no more Star Wars emails please. I’ll find something else to rile you guys up.


Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 23, 2016

Email: Nuclear Throne on GoG

Master Malstrom,
I recently picked up a new indie game on GOG called Nuclear Throne. You might want to take a good look at it:

At first I was skeptical, but after picking it up and running through it a few times I got hooked very quickly. The creators managed to combine aspects of both Roguelikes and Run n’ Gun arcade shooters, trim away the excess and come up with a simple, yet incredibly addicting game. It’s basically Ikari Warriors / Shock Troopers with randomized levels and passive abilities; no pretentious junk, just shoot to kill with a wide arsenal of weapons while using the terrain to your advantage.


Best moment in the game: when one of the random tooltips on the loading screen says “If only you could talk to the monsters”. Incredibly frank “Take That” towards most modern narrative-centric games if I may say so.

I haven’t tried Nuclear Throne.
I’ve been playing much of Shadowgate (the one that came out in 2014). Of course, I only play on Master because I am the Master. If you liked the original NES Shadowgate, I recommend it. The music is orchestra. So yummy!
Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 23, 2016

Email: Cartridges make sense for NX

Hello, Master Malstrom!

Last May I made a prediction thread on a gaming forum. The gist of it was that cartridges would return for Nintendo’s new home console because if Nintendo is going into the direction of a shared library between two or more devices, then it should be easy for consumers to buy games for said devices. A storage medium that can be inserted in either device would be the most elegant solution. The most logical choice would be proprietary SD cards like the DS and 3DS have used, because optical media don’t make much sense for portable hardware. Another benefit would be that stores wouldn’t need to stock separate game boxes for home console and handheld devices, therefore allowing a wider range of games to be displayed in the Nintendo section.

In the last few years SD cards have rapidly increased in storage capacity, so unlike the cartridges of the past, they won’t be inferior to optical media. Mass production prices are comparable to optical media as well, so this shouldn’t be a serious issue either. Then there are the benefits for the video game hardware: For one, fewer moving parts inside increase reliability, and two, card-based hardware doesn’t need as much cooling which leads to a reduction of noise while playing games.

I shrugged off any concerns regarding Nintendo failing to meet industry standards because third parties wouldn’t give Nintendo a fair shake to begin with. The initial wave of Wii U titles was littered with poor ports and more than half of the upcoming multiplatform games at the time were skipping the Wii U, even though the console had yet to launch and cement its failure. One would have to be delusional in order to believe that third parties would be rushing back to Nintendo, if only the Japanese console manufacturer met all of their standards. Nintendo is free to do as they please, also because it is Nintendo software that sells Nintendo hardware. Third parties will come around to make games once the hardware sells, and if it sells, then specifications aren’t that important anymore. If there’s money to be made, it’s hard to ignore.

The bottom line was that there a lot more reasons that speak for cartridges than against it. If the wall between Nintendo home console and Nintendo handheld is supposed to be teared down and most (or all?) games are supposed to be available for any NX device, then it would be counter-productive for the entire endeavor if each device had to be fed with a different storage medium.

Suppose there were different storage media for NX and you owned at least two devices: With Nintendo’s upcoming account system, you could have the solution to buy a physical copy for one of your devices, register it and then get a free download for your other device (before you moan that Nintendo will always want you to buy two copies: Nintendo has already begun to toy with crossbuy on Wii U and 3DS last year). On the other hand, if the storage medium was the same for both devices, you could simply plug your cartridge in the machine you want and would be ready to play. Of course, this doesn’t rule out that you could still register your physical copy to your account and get a free download for any of your registered NX devices; so keep your cartridges at home for your console while you go all digital for your handheld.


NX is about leveraging DeNa (or whatever name that online company Nintendo bought). NX is about a new relationship of game ownership. Instead of the console and game being a system in itself, it will be the game having a connection to Nintendo’s account system. NX may have Funky Hardware Gimmick, but the fundamental relationship will change. Iwata told us this.

I like cartridges because they can be collected and can only be taken away from my cold dead hands. I want Nintendo’s online system to be more like GoG, instead, it will likely be more like Steam.

Instead of the platform being the hardware, the platform will be the account. All I want is to be able to take my Super Mario Brothers to any Nintendo hardware. That does not mean I yield ownership to that Super Mario Brothers game.

I want the games to go multi-console (within Nintendo consoles, present and future). What Nintendo will likely do is make the games tethered to the account so that the platform is now online and console hardware have become nothing more than Extremely Expensive Controllers. What! You doubt this? What is Nintendo hardware today but an Extremely Expensive Controller? If the platform is the Nintendo Account System, then instead of controllers that plug into  the console, it is consoles that plug into the account system…. hence, the consoles become Extremely Expensive Controllers. And, of course, we won’t actually own any of the games. I can see it now: “You must get permission from Nintendo server to use your copy of Super Mario Brothers, which is 30 years old, to be on your handheld device.”

I’m a consumer! I am selfish! Iwata says I am king! With my rump on my throne, I demand that my experience with Nintendo does not go backwards because of the re-definition of the platform to not be hardware. If Nintendo did that, it would be a worse disaster than the Wii U (“How is that possible?” Well, we didn’t think it could go lower than Gamecube, but Nintendo did it!). In the long line of generations of consoles, the customer experience is supposed to GO UP. It would be like putting out a console that didn’t allow you to use different controllers or placed the controls on the hardware itself like Generation 1 PONG machines.

To me, cartridges are not a gush of nostalgia but an example of ownership stability. CDs do not last. You cannot own downloaded games. Nintendo thinks it is providing the same experience with Amiibos, but Amiibos are not cartridges.

There is no reason for me to buy games if they do not last or I do not own them.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 23, 2016

Email: Force Awakens

Does it seem to you like that Force Awaken’s status of generally well-received by the public at large was mostly manufactured? Because of the massive hype machine, along with critical reviews bought and paid for (and there weren’t any obviously terrible Jar Jar Binks characters), that the general public was more or less “set up” to like this movie? Or is the positive reaction mostly genuine, despite the hype?

I wasn’t a fan, and neither were any of my friends/family who are big Star Wars fans like me. Wasn’t a terrible movie, but it was infuriating to me that they tried to call it “Episode 7” when it didn’t feel like an Episode 7 at all. The thing I was most in disbelief of was how positive the reaction was everywhere. It seems like as more time is passing, I am reading more and more critical reactions, and this makes me wonder if people are finally starting to realize the wool that was pulled over their eyes?

Then again, I actually liked the prequels (although upon watching the TPM again… although it has some good parts, it just isn’t a good movie). The prequels have a different feel to them but I enjoyed that about them. Still, they were inferior movies to the originals. But I really enjoyed Revenge of the Sith. Here are my rankings:



Of course there was a manufactured reaction. This is true with all big budget movies and video games. Marketing companies are hard at work to keep the buzz going. They call it hype for a reason. Nintendo even does it too.

But a large part of it is from the consumers. When The Phantom Menace came out, people LOVED the film. “It is sublime,” they told me. As time went on, criticism of it began to snowball. The same is occurring with Force Awakens. “It was the best movie EVER, Malstrom!” But as the hype passes away, like bad gas, clearer eyes begin to see that most of Force Awakens was very similar to A New Hope. At the end of the day, Force Awakens will be seen as a retread of Episode IV and that’s about that. Wait YEARS from now, and it will be more pronounced in that thinking.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 23, 2016

Email: Star Wars VII is fine

I don’t think I’ve rolled my eyes any harder at your website than I did when reading the previous emailer’s criticisms of the new Star Wars. The movie is probably as good (or bad) as Return of the Jedi for similar reasons, chiefly the fact that it revolves, once again, around a Death Star-type weapon and its destruction. The movie itself is fine and functions well enough as both a reboot (which Star Wars needed after nothing but Lucas’ prequels for almost forty years) and as a sequel that introduces us to a new cast.

The new characters are fine. They’re good, even. Kylo Ren is a spoiled, privileged brat who was radicalized because he lacked any real internal struggle and desperately wanted one (just like real radicals). The emailer doesn’t seem to understand that his whole character revolves around him being a dopey, whiney asshole. Like, that was sort of the whole point. Rey’s history is mysterious and hints at something greater than herself, but she’s afraid to move forward in life out of a fear of abandoning the only life she ever knew. Finn was a genuine good guy who was brave enough to defect, but too afraid to fight until his friend was captured. Poe is the least fleshed out, but we still like him because he seems like a genuine hero and has a humorous, plucky attitude. I really hope the next film features him more.

The plot is mostly a retread of the first film, I totally acknowledge that. I’m able to forgive it because it basically functions as a means to introduce us to the new characters and how they interact, while simultaneously trying to assure us as an audience that this new Star Wars is going back to the Star Wars we like. With this movie out of the way, and with one of the series’ biggest heroes dead, I’m certain the next movie will move forward into totally unfamiliar territory that almost entirely revolves around the new cast.

The emailer’s opinion deserves to be completely discarded if only for the fact that he ranked any of the prequel films before this one. The prequels are unspeakably awful (yes, even Revenge of the Sith). None of the characters are memorable, the story makes no sense, the script is cringe inducing and there are rarely any stakes for us as an audience to care about. Oh, and the overuse of CGI made them look really fake, which has only gotten worse with time. They are completely non-functional as movies, let alone Star Wars movies. The Force Awakens did play it safe, it had to, precisely because Lucas had done so much damage to the saga. I see TFA as functioning as sort of a First Aid kit for Star Wars; not a cure-all, but a good stop-gap measure to help reverse some of the damage.

If we’re doing lists, mine would look like this:

*Empire Strikes Back*
*Star Wars*
*Return of the Jedi* = *The Force Awakens*

And that’s it.

Also I think The Force Awakens would be most like the Wii, since it was deliberately made to be a callback to the classic Star Wars that everyone liked. The Wii and this movie both performed the exact same job, no comparison is more accurate.

The emailer also doesn’t seem to understand that Star Wars has pretty much been a commercial product since the second film. Oh, so now Disney’s supposedly milking Star Wars, but the endless novels, comics, games, toys, apparel, VHS/DVD rereleases etc sold since the ’80s wasn’t milking it? Get real. If anything I’m glad we’re getting a ton of movies. It’s a great universe and I’d love to explore it more. Isn’t that what movies are about? Exciting your imagination?

In defense of Abrams: I remember everyone in 2009 saying, “That was a bad Star Trek movie but it would have been a great Star Wars”. I believe that statement was so accurate it was literally prescient. Abrams was very much suited to take the helm of a Sci-Fi series that was less about science and more about high drama, and known for great visual direction. Everyone (except Lucas) knows Star Wars is a space opera. Abrams, who is great at dramatic, high stakes movies, was a great choice for a movie like this. James Gunn would have been great too.

Abrams’ major flaw is his tendency to be too referential, which I assume is precisely why he has no involvement in the next Star Wars films. He was suited to this film because it needed to be referential. Now TFA is done his involvement is with Star Wars is also done.

I agree that the trailer for the new Star Trek is one of the worst things I’ve seen in ages. Abrams has stated many times he doesn’t want to work on these movies any more, and it’s showing. Star Trek 09 was fun as an action movie, but Into Darkness was just plain terrible. I can only imagine what’s in store for this one. At least maybe the fourth one will be about Humpback Whales again.

Two points.

One, I do not understand the need for any reboots. Why didn’t George Lucas reboot Ben-Hur instead of making Star Wars? Why not do something new? I would like to see NEW shows, not retreads or reboots.

Two, I don’t think people today understand that Star Trek IV is the most popular Star Trek film ever made. It grossed so much in sales that its performance had Paramount give the go-ahead to make The Next Generation. And of course, The Next Generation’s success had Paramount do the go ahead on Deep Space Nine and Voyager. It is Star Trek IV that saved the Star Trek franchise more than anything.

But I heard a young 24 year old start quoting Scotty: “Captain! There be whales here!” I asked him about the movie. He said he had never seen it but saw what people said of it on Youtube. I asked, “You should watch it. You might like it.” Oh no. He refuses to watch it. He is a huge Star Wars fan which is fine. “Have you seen any Star Trek?” No. At this point, I’m just banging my head against the wall. How can you know if you like something or not if you do not watch it? I remember people liking Farscape. I watched it. BOY, did I hate it! But at least I watched it. It is extremely disturbing that people are allowing Youtube commentators decide their opinions. Why not watch the source material instead of what someone says about it?

I have a relative who commented, “Star Trek IV? That is a bad one.” Really? Then, what is a good one? “Star Trek V. The one where they search for Eden is the good one.” What! Did he watch any of these movies? No. I once said how the original Star Trek lasted three seasons before it was canceled (this is an actual fact). He was shocked. “I thought it went longer than that.” We have an information revolution with no information.

I don’t have much to say about Star Wars because I’ve never been a Star Wars fan.

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