Posted by: seanmalstrom | October 27, 2016

Email: Nintendo possibly venturing into e-sports

I don’t recall you showing much interest in esports type events in the past (IIRC you said you were bored throughout most of NWC ’15), so I was wondering what your thoughts are on Nintendo possibly investing more in competitive gaming and events:


These stories I read… I can only laugh. I read ‘Nintendo possibly venturing into e-sports’. So ridiculous.

Folks, there is a reason why fate or destiny or whatever made me a Malstrom and have me make this site. It is to puncture holes in these Alternate Universes that keep appearing from Hardcore Gamerz.

The Alternate Universe is that there is thing called ‘E-Sports’ where gamers compete for prizes, money, and fame, and it has NEVER APPEARED BEFORE except recently. Nintendo, being a derpy casual company, is beginning to explore this wonderful world of E-sports and may begin to participate.

There are people out there who actually believe that. There are JOURNALISTS out there who actually believe that. The Hardcorez Gamerz, of course, all believe that as they tend to be caught in their psychosis.

The ACTUAL Universe is that Nintendo invented E-Sports.

Image result for nes 1992 championship cartridge

Above: This is the most expensive video game ever.

Nintendo was throwing championships and world championships in the 1980s and 1990s.

One of the big features of Nintendo Power was high scores. Did you know that Cliff Blezsinski, who would later direct Unreal Tournament and Gears of War, was in teh first issue of Nintendo Power with the top score for Super Mario Brothers? It’s true! Did you know that Woz, co-founder of Apple, had high scores for Tetris and kept sending them by fake names?

Nintendo even DRAMATIZED E-SPORTS INTO A MOVIE CALLED THE WIZARD. Remember ‘Video Armageddon’? Remember ‘I love the Power Glove, it’s so bad.’


EVEN LAST YEAR Nintendo held a World Championships. There is Reggie up there playing. Yet, we read fucking ridiculous stories asking ‘Is Nintendo going to wade into E-Sports?’

I think the reason why I have done this site so long is I still haven’t figured out how people can keep being SO STUPID. When Wii launched, it was clear the data of past generations showed that ‘powerful hardware’ never translated to console sales. Yet, we had analysts with tons of graphcs, hardcorez gamerz going retard rodeo on their gaming message forums, and reporters who never, ever bothered to look at ACTUAL DATA for their questions.

I’m not the smartest guy, but there is so much STUPID out there that I feel like a genius. Seeing journalists ask ‘is Nintendo going to get into E-Sports’ is profoundly dumb and idiotic that it is like asking if Nintendo is going to get into video games. THEY ARE ALREADY IN, DUMBASSES.

Maybe I should feel like Christopher Columbus and attempt to chart this Alternate Reality of the Hardcore. In this bizarre Alternate Reality, even when Nintendo makes hardware that is ‘more powerful’ than competition, say the Gamecube, it somehow transforms into something else! The only time Nintendo is praised in this Alternate Reality of Hardly-core is with disastrous consoles such as “the Gamecube was awesome! the N64 was awesome! But man, that virtual Boy was REALLY awesome! And Wii U is best console ever! But the Wii sucked. The NES sucked. The SNES sucked. DS and Gameboy lines all sucked.” Everything that SELLS, sucks. Everything that doesn’t sell, is ‘amazing’. It’s a marketing strategy that praises a competitor’s failures and hopes the competitor keeps making those failures.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | October 27, 2016

Email: Screen Lag

Master Malstrom,

I am writing to explain more clearly what the one e-mailer probably meant when he mentioned screen lag.

Unfortunately, Nintendo has no control over how much lag a particular television injects into your gaming experience. Nintendo could make a console with absolutely zero lag time, but if the gamer plugs it into a television that utilizes ‘features’ designed to make the image ‘more stable’ then the gamer will experience lag anyways.

The worst part is that the amount of lag varies greatly from TV to TV. An old CRT would refresh its screen at 60Hz or faster, which means that the time it takes to display one frame to the next would be about 17ms. Generally, it would only take one frame (17ms) to display Mario jumping after you pressed the A button. An average LCD television can add well over 130ms to the time between your pressing the A button and your seeing Mario jump on the screen. Most televisions have a game mode that disables all the features and reduces input lag. However, even then, the amount of lag varies from model to model.

So, while the main reason for the integrated screen is obviously for on-the-go gaming. The integrated screen can also be a selling point for those that value a precise response. Generally these are the Call of Duty gamers where a few frames of lag can mean losing a match, but I personally have experienced frustrating lag just playing New Super Mario Bros. Wii. Not having to worry about what my television will do to my gaming experience will be a welcome relief.

A Reader


I can’t say if that is why I get frustrated with NSMB Wii or other things of the game. I DO know that I refuse to play an old school console on a HD TV since there is significant lag. People say you cannot feel it, but you can. In fact, when Super Mario All-Stars came out in the early 1990s, Super Mario Brothers 3 would feel ‘off’ to me and still does to this day. There is something amazing about playing the original Super Mario Brothers 3 cartridge on original hardware on a CRT. It is so precise!

Also, arcades always had their own integrated screen. And was the arcade screen across the room when you played? No! It was right in front of your face. In some ways, this is why I like handheld gaming ‘better’ because of that. But there are other issues I have had with Nintendo handhelds such as button size and hand cramping.

January 12 cannot get here soon enough.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | October 27, 2016

Switch price and launch line up being revealed on January 12th…

It is happening!


Posted by: seanmalstrom | October 26, 2016

DS is not a replacement for GBA


“[It] will enable fun and movement not seen before. I expect it to become a third pillar, next to GameCube and Game Boy.”
-Satoru Iwata, Gamasutra (January 07, 2004)


Of course, Switch is going to replace 3DS.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | October 26, 2016

Generation One Gaming

Throw out your consoles, people. Generation One time is here! Behold the awesomeness:


Above: Remember that shark toy from Jaws? Of course you don’t, reader.


Above: More PONG! And check out that wood paneling!


Above: Ahh… the first four player console… Four Player PONG!

Still way more fun than hardcore gaming.

Dos Equis Gifs to the World laughing sarcastic dos equis the most interesting man

Posted by: seanmalstrom | October 26, 2016

Email: Your old friend the hardcore gamer

Master Maelstrom

Its being a while, I wonder what is your current take on the hardcore gamer. Like how do you define them, and are they still appear to you as as cringe as ever? It is in my habit to not ask about trendy topic rather I love the obscure ones.

I stopped being a hardcore gamer sense 2006, when my first gaming PC had its graphic interface phased out a year later. And I have no money to spend on consoles. This, however opened massive new possibilities as I dig through the past with emulator. It fundamentally changed my perspective on gaming.


I’m curious how digging through the past with an emulator changed your perspective on gaming.

The Hardcore Gamer is the tool of the Game Industry. The word ‘hardcore gamer’ is just a marketing buzzword the Game Industry uses in order to sell you terrible games and terrible accessories.

Image result for razer gaming accessories

Above: It is… green. It’s for hardcorez gamerz ONLY

When I refer to hardcore gamers, I am talking about an easily manipulated group of people. I am talking about marketing and the effect that marketing has on people.

Back during the 16-bit generation, there was ‘console war’ between Super Nintendo and Genesis. As these kids grew up, they realized that both systems were awesome and both had great games. They realize, only after they get older, that they were controlled by marketing.

I would be someone classified as a ‘heavily experienced gamer’, a defacto hardcore gamer, by strict use of the word, since I play PC gaming from present from the 1980s, play with consoles here and there, and spend much time exploring libraries of older consoles. The Game Industry’s marketing departments have no use for me because I am ‘too informed and experienced’. Today, Sony’s marketing department is saying that ‘hardcore gamers need to buy the latest VR equipment so they can truly be hardcore’ or something like that. But the VR craze is very cyclical. It appears and disappears every decade or so. In ten years, there will be another VR craze, and it will die just like the last one.

The typical ‘hardcore gamer’ is late teens and early twenties, has little to no knowledge of gaming history, has experienced maybe one or two generations, and is addicted to hype. You know what ‘hype’ is? It’s marketing. People who consume hype are those who consume marketing. Let the game come out. After a week or two, it will either be good or bad. But no. They just drink hype all day everyday.

The best way I’ve found to ‘wake up’ a hardcore gamer is to point out PC gaming master race. “You think your little PS and Xbox makes you a hardcore gamer? No! It makes you a casual gamer!” *They gasp when they hear the words ‘casual gamer’. Oh! That is not them! No siree!* “The PC can play all these console games and do so in BETTER GRAPHICS. Plus, the games are much cheaper. You can mod the games. You don’t have to pay for online.” This is when they realize they have been a tool for the Game Industry.

An interesting proposal would be to examine the marketing campaigns of the past generations. In Generation 2, Atari’s marketing campaign was to show how games were fun. You would see people playing the games and smiling, having their friends and family over, everyone laughing. The Atari marketing is what Nintendo adopted for the DS and Wii. In Generation 2, Nintendo kept going the POWER route. “Now you’re playing with POWER!” even though it was the year 1988. and you were dealing with hardware that came out in 1983. I think the 16-bit console war was the origin of the hardcore gamer as a marketing idea. You were the ‘extreme’ gamer, the cool guy, and cool guys are hardcore gamers, and hardcore gamers always buy the latest games and spend all day playing them only to buy more and more and more! Generation five, six, and so on keep using the ‘hardcore gamers!’ marketing.

Much of the console competition is marketing competition. Sony and Microsoft being behemoths can really throw money into the ‘hardcore gamerz!’ marketing campaigns. The Xbox Franchise itself, complete with green X, is a ‘hardcorez gamerz’ marketing identity.

Nintendo is a video game innovator and maker of many gaming classics. Wouldn’t a player of Nintendo be a ‘hardcorez gamerz’? No. The marketing campaigns were of such to pidgeon hole the Nintendo system into… something else… something that the ‘hardcorez gamerz’ would never touch. The Gamecube, for example, got stigmatized as the ‘kiddie console’. The Wii got stigmatized as the ‘casual console’.

How does the book industry market itself to its best readers? Why, you are a book reader! You are sophisticated! You are cultured! You are more intelligent than the rest of the population! But that only keeps working if you buy more books! Here are the latest books you need to buy! In reality, these constant book readers are dorks. But to the book industry, no, they create a self-image of their best customers to be something else… something god-like.

The hardcore gamers are dorks who have too much time on their hands (which they spend discussing games and reading about games all day, everyday). But the game industry will market a more appealing self-image to them.

Do you think candy industry is going to market a self-image to its best customers that they are fat and unhealthy? No. They market that their best customers are ‘fun loving’ and ‘exciting’… because they eat a ton of candy.

Most people’s world of video games is a 2d world where they only know about what games are coming out, how they are all awesome, and boy, they need to pre-order them to get those goodies! But if you look at video games in a 3d world, you see everything is just a product on the shelf and there is so much marketing involved. They THINK they see the marketing, but they do not. If you are pre-ordering a video game and not willing to wait a few days to see if it is any good, then they have you. If you have a back log full of games you never play, they have you.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | October 26, 2016

Email: Can you play Mario on this?

How will we play Super Mario Bros 1-5 on the Nintendo Switch’s Virtual Console? The d-pad is only on the Switch Pro Controller which will not be packaged in the box with the console. Doesn’t Nintendo always ensure that Mario can still be played they design the new controllers?

One: there will be other Joy-cons. I believe Nintendo’s patent has expired on the D-pad which may be the reason why they aren’t using it.

Second: Why would we play Mario 1-5 on Virtual Console when we now have an opportunity to play them on CARTRIDGE… the way 2d Mario is made to be played!

Posted by: seanmalstrom | October 25, 2016

Email: Motion control in joy-cons

I can understand Nintendo carefully positioning the Switch by not discussing things like touch screen and motion control.

But I suspect the joy-cons will have motion control. Or else Just Dance 2017 will be the most awkward edition yet.

No camera? No microphone? Nintendo is holding something back.

Yeah, there is more in the Switch than what we’ve seen.


Posted by: seanmalstrom | October 25, 2016

Email: How was PSP still a failure?

Hello Master Malstrom,

could you please explain how PSP was a failure despite selling around 80
Mln. Units worldwide?

I’m just curious as to exactly why it still bombed.

The Glorious Reader

PSP was a handheld game console and a handheld media device (using UMD little discs). As a handheld media device, it failed. The UMDs were hyped to be the DVDs of mobile. They bombed. The iPod Video came out and then the smartphones which devastated any chance of it.

PSP was outselling the DS until Nintendogs, NSMB DS, Mario Kart DS, and Animal Crossing DS came out for it. From then on, PSP just declined as a handheld gaming console. It only found consistent market in Japan because Japan wants to buy everything mobile.

You have to understand, during this time Sony had come off of the success of the PS1 and PS2. Sega had gone out of console business. Everyone predicted Nintendo would leave consoles because Sony would take over the handheld market.

DS outsold the PSP. Does that mean the Wii could outsell the PS3?

“Cannot happen!” the hardcore gamers told us. “Handheld markets and home console markets are DIFFERENT.” Are they? They never explained why this would be the case. But the consoles would come out, and we saw what happened.

PSP is the fiercest handheld competitor Nintendo has ever faced. Sony pumped in a ton of money into the thing. We call PSP a ‘failure’ because it didn’t outdo the DS.

My interpretation of the PSP shows that what is viable is handheld gaming consoles as those are in demand. But ‘other functions’ such as media consumption will be absolutely destroyed by smartphones as PSP showed. PSP primarily sold as a gaming device, not as a ‘media device’.

Most of the ‘analysts’ out there don’t really care about gaming. They only care about the ‘other media’ which they hoped Sony would establish. Now that Sony doesn’t focus so much on these ‘other media’ anymore in their consoles, I do not hear from these ‘analysts’ anymore. Good riddance.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | October 25, 2016

Email: Modern videogames

I just love the commenters who call the video a depiction of 2016


This is what would happen if these games were remastered for today.

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