Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 25, 2010

Email: Heavy Rain is a parody of itself

This is the first 9 minutes of the upcoming PS3 game Heavy Rain and it’s so hilariously bad I thought it was some kind of joke.  In case you don’t have the patience to sit through it (I couldn’t watch the whole thing) here’s the gist:

You seem to “play” through the typical morning routine of the character.  Teeth brushing, shower, getting dressed.  Whoever thought this was a good idea needs to be fired.  I use the term “play” loosely.  Most actions are simply a pause in a long cutscene that doesn’t continue until the player presses the button they’re prompted to, not that you’re allowed to do anything else anyway.

No surprise that the focus for the creators and hypers is the awesome storytelling and how it will change video games forever.  Oh wait, it’s “not a videogame anymore” and “we will probably have to find a different name for this type of experience.”(

I don’t know if you’ve kept up with the noise(it sure isn’t news) about this game, but it’s really some horrible amalgam of everything that’s wrong with “The Industry”®.  All the creator talks about is the storyline, and how games need to grow up and have adult content and how actors don’t take videogames seriously.  The game isn’t even out and they’re already talking about DLC and preemptively saying that anyone who doesn’t like it just doesn’t get their deep storyline.

I thought this would fit well with your new parody theme.

This is a classic case of game developers being ‘overwhelmed’ by the medium and, thus, making mediocrity. They are literally enchanted with their digital creation.

Have you seen a bad poet or a bad movie maker? They become overwhelmed by the medium. They, themselves, are entertained. But the audience is not.

In order to entertain an audience, you must be the master of the medium. The medium cannot be the master of the developer.

The mass market is not going to go for this game. Why? It is because the mass market is not entertained by computer animation. And that is all we have here is computer animation. BORING.

But I think you are right that the “Industry” is going to write editorials how this is The Greatest Game Ever and that it has made gaming as Art. Everyone else who disagrees will just be “not getting it”.

Wii Play is a more sophisticated game experience than what I just saw. And that is excluding the Tanks.


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