Email: Thank you Malstrom

Dear, Malstrom
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Thank you for posting the email containing the Metroid: Other M video showing Ridley’s introduction.  That video has shown me the game is not worth purchasing.  Samus has a flashback to when she was a little girl and Ridley killed her parents, but since then she has chronologically defeated Ridley five times.  Once in the original metroid (well twice if you count Zero Mission, but I don’t), Metroid Prime and Super metroid. And Twice in Metroid Prime 3.  It is just stupid.

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I hate how Sakamoto’s cultists drink their kool-aid and pretend that the Prime games don’t exist or don’t count and think Retro is a third party studio not owned by Nintendo.  They say things like made a decision after you play it or remember what happened when Nintendo let Retro make Metroid.  I recently played through the Prime trilogy again and it is Metroid in 3D, unlike how 3D Mario is about a scavenger hunt while 2D Mario is fast arcade action.  I only came into the Metroid series with the Prime games, but since then I have played the original and super metroid (which is really easy.  To beat the bosses all I had to do was stand still and spam missiles.) I think I have a grasp of what Metroid is. Metroid: Other M (I just realized if you abbreviate the title it spells MOM) is not a Metroid game. It is not even a joke.  Duke Nukem forever is a joke, Natal is a joke,  the Mario and Zelda cdi games are jokes, MOM is not a joke.  It is an insult. It is an abomination and a desecration. It is Sakamoto saying only his artistic vision of Samus showing her maternal instincts matters.  Gunpei Yokoi must be rolling in his grave. I hate the game and Sakamoto as a game maker. And the game is not even out on store shelves, that is how much he fucked up!  And I know I am not alone.

This review of Other M is probably the most accurate (which surprised me since it is from X-play): http://g4tv.com/games/wii/61992/metroid-other-m/review/
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I hope this is a wake up call to the Nintendo executives that Sakamoto is insane.  I hope Donkey Kong Country 4 outsells Metroid: Other M by years end.  DKC4 will be out in the market for 40 days and MOM will be out there for 4 months but I think DKC4 has a good chance.  I would love to be in the room with the Nintendo accounts analyzing the sales data and writing the 2010 financial statements and see Retro’s game get higher sales than Sakamoto’s game (knowing how much Sakamoto hates the Prime Trilogy).  It would be wonderful to see Sakamoto to retire, either forcefully or as his own personal choice and it would also be better for Metroid and Nintendo.  I can probably write a wall of text full of bile but you get the idea.

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I will buy DKC4, unless Retro puts in cutscenes where Diddy has inner monologues about how much Donkey Kong is like a father to him LOL. I hope Retro is allowed to reboot Metroid, I would like to see a game where Samus travels to different planets and hunts bounties for money to buy upgrades.

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Malstrom thank you for posting that email and if that emailer who sent the video is reading this, you also have my gratitude. If it wasn’t for the two of you I would have bought Other M and contributed to Sakomoto’s sick vision of Metroid.  Words cannot express my gratitude.

Malstrom keep up the good work.

Yours Truly,

A Grateful Reader
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Well, Nintendo is definitely going to hate me now! Someone is saying that I am responsible for them not buying Other M.

I bolded the lines in your email because I thought it was very interesting how you go into the Metroid series through the Prime games. I don’t see how to make Metroid in first person view better than how Retro did it. We should remember that Miyamoto defined Metroid Prime to being first person perspective. Just maneuvering through a 3d environment was considerably more challenging than a mere 2d environment. I think the Metroid fan who doesn’t like the Prime games are reacting negatively to the difficulty (which is non-existent in most of the 2d Metroid games). You’re right with Super Metroid that you just stand there and spam missiles. Probably the only challenging boss was Phantoon.

The X-Play review of Other M is very interesting. There are not many girl players who play Metroid. If Metroid was to grow, getting girl gamers would be a very important step (which could be a reason why the game is about ‘maternal instincts’). If Abbie finds the content insulting, this is bad news indeed. You can tell Abbie was frustrated in trying to explain why she felt so repulsed by Other M. The ‘feminist’ label people keep putting on her I don’t believe is accurate. I do not believe her hostility is the result of the game not being ‘feminist friendly’, but rather she felt so much hostility to the game and couldn’t figure out why, so she comes out with the ‘submissive’ complaint. I think she was so overwhelmed with her negative reaction that she had problems trying to explain WHY she felt so negative.

Other M just doesn’t FEEL like a Metroid game. Why? It becomes difficult to place into words.

Sakamoto cultists are dodging the problems of Other M by continually demonizing a single reviewer. I know how it feels as they demonized me back then instead of dealing with the reality that Sakamoto was saying CRAZY THINGS such as Metroid being about ‘maternal instincts’.

You can rest assured that DKC4 will outsell Metroid CDi. It was pretty funny how Metroid Prime outsold Sakamoto’s ‘Metroid 4’ (Metroid Fusion) as those two came out at the same time. I don’t think we have to worry about Retro putting in inner dialogues of the feelings of Diddy Kong in how he relates to the world.

On a recent trip through Austin, I took this photograph of a mysterious truck unloading cargo in front of Retro Studios. Let us have a look:

Prior to E3 2010, I was wondering why there were so many banana trucks stopping at Retro Studios. Now we know why…

Perhaps I should hang out at the zoo and see if any Retro employees are out there photographing the monkeys for ‘inspiration’.

Don’t they know DKC 4 is coming out for Wii, not the DS? Stupid monkeys!