Dear Malstrom,
My name is Yoshio Sakamoto and i am very upset.
The last months your blog has been a place of many spiteful comments by you and people who cannot grasp the grandness of my vision, which millions of gamers are able to enjoy at this very moment I write this e-mail. This vision is called Other M and it has been a grand effort by me and Team Ninja to present you the deepest and most hidden corridors of
Samus psyche.
So in order to silence your petty complaints, I present you the continuation of this labour called Metroid : Oh Mama.
In this game I will dive deeper to the bottom of Samus feelings and gamers will find the chance to fully familiarise with Samus’ maternal insticts. This time Samus will return to SR388,
– an homage to metroid 2
– only this time not as a killer but as a rescuer of metroids.
The Galactic Federation, revealing its evil intentions, captured a number of baby metroids and Samus, responding to the call of her maternal insticts, sneaks to the planet.
Here I have to mention that realizing the gamers’ complaints about how Samus in Other M had to follow the orders of Adam in order to use the Varia suit, I will present a new intuitive way for the player to gradually upgrade the varia suit. Just like Other M, Samus’ suit will be fully equipped from the beginning, but she will be unable to use it because she will be too depressed to use it. I know that this moment your mouth is wide open in awe of my ingenuity, but I didn’t finish. Very important role to the game
will have the Maternal Insticts Meter aka MIM. As you save and nurture baby metroids, Samus’ MIM will rise thus she will be confident enough to use her missiles. As metroids fall to Samus’ hug, her MIM will be going up
and Samus will be in the mood of using other functions of her suit such as the grapple beam or the ice beam.
Save all baby metroids, and Samus, having accomplished her destination as a woman and a mother, will be able to abandon her emotional shell, and as a fully powered Zero Suit Samus will be able to slap to death the malevolent Chozos, who after raising her as a ruthless emotionless robot, now want to exterminate her and vaporize the misunderstood metroids out of existence. Poor Metroids! The only thing ever craved was the human touch, thus they felt victims of all these horrible experiments throughout the entire series.
I know Malstrom, that now you want to kneel before my infinite wisdom and my incomparable brilliance, while you beg for my forgiveness for all these malicious posts of yours and your ignorant readership.
But fear not: I forgive you and you will soon have the honor to receive the first copy of Metroid: Oh Mama.
P.s Please forgive my mediocre english, but i was having all these years devoted to the TRUE Citizen Cane of videogames.
And if i hear ever again anyone giving this title to this piece of crap called Metroid Prime, I will be retired and never again you will enjoy any masterpiece from me ever!
P.s And please do not reveal these classified informations about Metroid:Oh mama. I don’t want Hideo Kojima copy these precious ideas for his next Metal Gear.
I TOLD you people not give Sakamoto any more ideas… See what you have done!?
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