Email: Hey! I finally tried out Kinect!

Hey, Sean, I finally tried out the Kinect in the middle of the day (they had a huge display of the middle of the Beverly Center, a mall in Beverly Hills), and…well, franky, the experience was awful, but then they pulled something that was hard to believe…

Firstly, while I was playing the bowling minigame of the Kinect Sports game, I had problems with the controls. I couldn’t bowl how I wanted to bowl and because there is no physical feedback, the entire experience felt dumb. I was just flailing my arms in front of me and making my GAMER AVATAR score points. Same thing with the Boxing minigame, and that game had no challenge whatsoever. It was like the game held your hand the whole way through, and it didn’t make you feel bad ass in the slightest. So, as I played, a crowd of people went around me, cheered me on, and even seemed to laugh at the whole Kinect thing.

Then one man began to play as the crowd got a little bigger, a Microsoft employee who looks vaguely like that guy from “The Hangover” instructed a man playing the boxing game (which was malfunctioning on him at this point), to do a series of pretend punches as if he’s winning, and told the crowd around him to cheer like he did win! Again, they did this while the game was malfunctioning, in the middle of the mall, WITH OTHER PEOPLE WATCHING, IN BROAD DAYLIGHT! I am super serious. I wish I had a camera to record all of this like some other people had.

Anyway, the whole thing was tragic, yet funny. Funny because some paid employees tried desperately to make a malfunctioning product look fun…IN FRONT OF DOZENS OF NON-SHILLING PEOPLE. Tragic because these are real men and women wasting their living hours on what is quite possibly the most ridiculous Birdman product of this generation.

Anyway, I just thought I’d let you know. I go into this entire thing in full detail on the SeanMalstrom.net fourms here: http://forum.seanmalstrom.net/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=82&start=0 Please spread the word of this. It sounds unbelievable at first until one remembers that this is all Microsoft’s doing.

What are you doing, emailer!? You are threatening to upset the entire billion dollar Kinect advertising campaign! Don’t you know your true role is to play the viral marketer and email me saying, “You know, Malstrom, I was like ‘LOL Kinect’, but after trying it, I am going ‘OMG! This destroys the Wii!’ Everyone who tried it at the mall is going to buy it, day one! Microsoft has really done it, Malstrom! Microsoft cares about the gamer! Kinect is the greatest thing since PONG!”

Joking aside, very interesting impressions. Kinect is revealing to all gamers exactly who Microsoft is.