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I don’t put up every email I get. I’ve probably put too many up in the past couple of days. Like how a talk show host will poke a caller to get something interesting, I’ll email people back and see if something interesting comes out. And sometimes, as below, a gold response emerges…
LoZ took some of the then current RPG games (I only remember D&D) and gave them life with the arcade game-play (and mechanics) as you mentioned. A new Zelda needs to look at the modern RPGs and essentially do something similar, I think. It isn’t like that at all with these new games. You say “stale”, I say you are being too easy… Skyward Sword just sucks.
I hate PuzZelda!
I hate those mini-cutscenes they play when they want to sell me on a surprise; force me into feeling trapped; let me know that I just figured out a puzzle; show me where to go. I hate how these dungeons are not only filled with puzzles, but look like a freakin’ puzzle as soon as you step through the door – rather than a dangerous dungeon. I cannot force myself to continue: pulling levers, blowing-out candles, stepping-on switches, opening a chest for a lame-ass compass that no longer has a purpose, breaking jars fors hearts, lifting gates, pulling chains… did I say, “lighting candles”?… rotating bridges, spinning fans, shooting crystals… I hate how I am stopped by NPCs who want to tell me stuff that I don’t really care about. I hate towns filled with minigames, I hate the tutorial sessions at the beginning of the game and intermittently throughout. I hate how there are no solid combat mechanics (LoZ and AoL had fabulous combat mechanics – AoL is the best sword-play game I’ve played), or mechanics at all. I hate that combat is soooo slooooww. I hate how they explain to me how much the rupee is worth, every-time I get it – I can add, really I can! I hate the bright colors of the rupees rather than looking like real gems; I hate how they don’t use the old-school sound for rupees, since it actually sounded like money. I hate that they explain to me how to equip an item and what the item is when I get it. I hate how link reacts to the stuff going-on in the game and cut-scenes… “Gasp”. I hate how when I ride Epona and try to shoot stuff with an arrow that Epona runs into walls rather than avoids them (did they just not care to include this or did they forget? Either way, it’s sloppy game-play). I hate that Link doesn’t try to avoid walls when he runs into them. I hate how the camera doesn’t automatcially rotate in my direction of travel at a rate which is proportional to the magnitude of Link’s velocity and acceleration vectors so I can see where I’m going – haha, that’s nerd-speak for: “If you’re going to make a 3D, 3rd-person game and expect me to enjoy moving around in it, make sure the freakin’ camera works – like really works, not “functional”, not “good”, works. Stop putting Zelda paint over-top sloppy mechanics and mind-numbing game-play! I’d even settle for unpolished mechanics, I swear I would.
.
I hate how developers want me to walk on every square-foot of the narrow cave-path they created rather than just switch to 2.5D side-scrolling a la AoL where they could actually make the gameplay interesting. I hate gimmicks: boats, wolves, trains, birds, etc. – not alternative modes of transportation, “gimmick-dependent game-play”. I hate beetle-buggerangs (what is this, fisher-Price?). I hate zones: forest-zone, volcano-zone, desert-zone, water-zone, sky-zone… I hate Navi. And. the Owl. I hate catching fish just so I can collect some useless token.
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I hate how I am not required to constantly dodge, jump, duck, and block on-coming attacks from enemies. I hate how there are usually no more than two enemies on-screen at any given time. I hate that stupid roll mechanic, I hate how link trots around like he has a board up his ass (they may have finally “attempted” to address this with the ‘run’… I said “attempted”). I hate how I are shown exactly where to bomb. I hate that they didn’t use the Wiimote for aiming the shooting-sword – what happened to that? I mean, how did they not think of that? What kind of awesome gameplay could have come of that implementation of motion mechanics? Damn!
____________________
There is so much that is quotable from this email. “I hate how these dungeons are not only filled with puzzles, but look like a freakin’ puzzle as soon as you step through the door – rather than a dangerous dungeon.” Hahahaha. The dungeons do not even feel like dungeons! “I cannot force myself to continue: pulling levers, blowing-out candles, stepping-on switches, opening a chest for a lame-ass compass that no longer has a purpose, breaking jars fors hearts, lifting gates, pulling chains… did I say, “lighting candles”?… rotating bridges, spinning fans, shooting crystals… “ Hahaha. This is almost poetic.
.
Anytime I open my mouth about Zelda, a legion of Zelda fans demand my head on a pike. It is refreshing to hear someone be totally opposite in saying, “You have been far too easy on Zelda!” hahaha.
I hate those mini-cutscenes they play when they want to sell me on a surprise; force me into feeling trapped; let me know that I just figured out a puzzle; show me where to go. I hate how these dungeons are not only filled with puzzles, but look like a freakin’ puzzle as soon as you step through the door – rather than a dangerous dungeon. I cannot force myself to continue: pulling levers, blowing-out candles, stepping-on switches, opening a chest for a lame-ass compass that no longer has a purpose, breaking jars fors hearts, lifting gates, pulling chains… did I say, “lighting candles”?… rotating bridges, spinning fans, shooting crystals… I hate how I am stopped by NPCs who want to tell me stuff that I don’t really care about. I hate towns filled with minigames, I hate the tutorial sessions at the beginning of the game and intermittently throughout. I hate how there are no solid combat mechanics (LoZ and AoL had fabulous combat mechanics – AoL is the best sword-play game I’ve played), or mechanics at all. I hate that combat is soooo slooooww. I hate how they explain to me how much the rupee is worth, every-time I get it – I can add, really I can! I hate the bright colors of the rupees rather than looking like real gems; I hate how they don’t use the old-school sound for rupees, since it actually sounded like money. I hate that they explain to me how to equip an item and what the item is when I get it. I hate how link reacts to the stuff going-on in the game and cut-scenes… “Gasp”. I hate how when I ride Epona and try to shoot stuff with an arrow that Epona runs into walls rather than avoids them (did they just not care to include this or did they forget? Either way, it’s sloppy game-play). I hate that Link doesn’t try to avoid walls when he runs into them. I hate how the camera doesn’t automatcially rotate in my direction of travel at a rate which is proportional to the magnitude of Link’s velocity and acceleration vectors so I can see where I’m going – haha, that’s nerd-speak for: “If you’re going to make a 3D, 3rd-person game and expect me to enjoy moving around in it, make sure the freakin’ camera works – like really works, not “functional”, not “good”, works. Stop putting Zelda paint over-top sloppy mechanics and mind-numbing game-play! I’d even settle for unpolished mechanics, I swear I would.
.
I hate how developers want me to walk on every square-foot of the narrow cave-path they created rather than just switch to 2.5D side-scrolling a la AoL where they could actually make the gameplay interesting. I hate gimmicks: boats, wolves, trains, birds, etc. – not alternative modes of transportation, “gimmick-dependent game-play”. I hate beetle-buggerangs (what is this, fisher-Price?). I hate zones: forest-zone, volcano-zone, desert-zone, water-zone, sky-zone… I hate Navi. And. the Owl. I hate catching fish just so I can collect some useless token.
.
I hate how I am not required to constantly dodge, jump, duck, and block on-coming attacks from enemies. I hate how there are usually no more than two enemies on-screen at any given time. I hate that stupid roll mechanic, I hate how link trots around like he has a board up his ass (they may have finally “attempted” to address this with the ‘run’… I said “attempted”). I hate how I are shown exactly where to bomb. I hate that they didn’t use the Wiimote for aiming the shooting-sword – what happened to that? I mean, how did they not think of that? What kind of awesome gameplay could have come of that implementation of motion mechanics? Damn!
____________________
There is so much that is quotable from this email. “I hate how these dungeons are not only filled with puzzles, but look like a freakin’ puzzle as soon as you step through the door – rather than a dangerous dungeon.” Hahahaha. The dungeons do not even feel like dungeons! “I cannot force myself to continue: pulling levers, blowing-out candles, stepping-on switches, opening a chest for a lame-ass compass that no longer has a purpose, breaking jars fors hearts, lifting gates, pulling chains… did I say, “lighting candles”?… rotating bridges, spinning fans, shooting crystals… “ Hahaha. This is almost poetic.
.
Anytime I open my mouth about Zelda, a legion of Zelda fans demand my head on a pike. It is refreshing to hear someone be totally opposite in saying, “You have been far too easy on Zelda!” hahaha.
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