Posted by: seanmalstrom | December 12, 2011

Celebration of Miyamoto’s Retirement: Day Four

Merry Christmas and greetings to all! In one hand I have egg nog, in the other hand a cigar. We are celebrating the retirement of Shigeru Miyamoto. While this posting is late, you knew you were celebrating something yesterday. Today, you find out what it was.

Reason Four: No interesting characters made since Super Mario World.

Mario. Luigi. Peach. Koopa. Link. Zelda. Ganon. Yoshi. The Koopa Kids. But ever since Super Mario World, there has been no interesting characters.

“There must be,” cries the reader.

Well, you just go cry in your eggnog. When you look at it, with the exception of Pokemon (which Miyamoto was not involved), there has been only garbage come out of Nintendo in terms of characters.

It’s Petey the Piranha! Who cares? What a garbage character.

There are some people who think this is a ‘great character’. It isn’t. Waluigi only exists so Wario, being the opposite of Mario, would have a brother. It is as lame as if they came up with an evil Peach or evil Yoshi to complete the set.

Like Waluigi, there are some people who think Midna is a ‘great character’. She is so amazing that Nintendo has decided to not use her anymore! Why? It is because she is not amazing. Folks, Midna was nothing more than a sock puppet for the developers to directly tell the player hints or how to play the game. Notice how Yoshi or Peach or Luigi never acted as an in-game manual?

Another failed character. Sentient sprouts are not interesting. Lemmings did this way better. Gamers know who Mario and Zelda are. But who knows about Pikmin? They were part of a couple games on a poor selling console. If Pikmen were actually interesting, they would be more popular.

And here is the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever seen. This is ‘Tingle’. For some reason, Nintendo even allowed him to have his own game (which sold poorly).

With Miyamoto’s retirement, we have hope that perhaps Nintendo will introduce interesting new characters again. I mean, after Tingle, how can they go even lower?


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