Posted by: seanmalstrom | February 1, 2013

Email: I am starting to fucking hate Nintendo

My wi fi network went down today, no Netflix on Wii U, which is really all it is good for anyways at the moment. I though presumptously to myself “why not just wire it like the 360?” I found a USB cable that fit snugly into one end on my cable modem, and then into the other USB port on my Wii U.

So much for that idea. A message came up on the screen in settings telling me to buy a Wii Lan adapter! I am sick of buying bullshit for Nintendo systems just to get the proper experiences. I had to buy retrozone adapters for Wii just to play VC games properly, now those are useless for Wii U. I had to buy motion plus because I bought a launch system on Nov 19, 2006 because the original controllers were useless for certain games.

I am not buying anymore bullshit accessories for Wii or Wii U. No wheels, guns, pads, dongles, wrist straps, connection cables, condom sleeves, any of it. I am sick of it.
I have never seen a company so willing to alienate it’s long time enthusiasts and nickel and dime them just to play some damn games. Fuck you Nintendo. Make some games that don’t suck out loud too. You remember when you could do that?

Nintendoland? Really?

I hear your frustration especially with the retrozone adapters. I have those as well. Honestly, I never expected them to keep putting in gamecube controller adapters beyond Wii. Motion plus is fine. That ‘LAN adapter’ is BS though. Nintendo is ridiculously cheap.

Some people are emailing me, “Malstrom, why aren’t you talking about all the bad Nintendo news?” Because it is old news. I was ringing the bell years ago. The tone of this website was ‘WTF Nintendo?’ back even when the 3DS released. When Nintendo went N64 and Gamecube, it forced me to go PC gaming. And Nintendo’s actions are making me go PC gaming again.

Not having the right games or not getting the console right isn’t Nintendo’s big problem. That can be fixed in time. New games can come out, New console revisions can come out.

The biggest problem with Nintendo is their lack of non-hardware account system for digital games. If Nintendo is not interested in doing this, they might as well stop making hardware.

If Nintendo had an actual account system, it would be a solution that would solve many problems. People could build up vast game libraries of previous games and play them between Nintendo software releases. Brand new games could be released digitally (not Puddle, frack that game!). People would want to buy them because they would digitally own them.

Once upon a time, games used to be sold into the hardware. With the Atari 2600 came the invention of cartridges where the game wasn’t attached to the hardware. Nintendo’s digital stores are pre-Atari 2600 in philosophy. It is barbaric and a rip-off.

After this site went big in 2007 and 2008, my tone began to change regarding Nintendo and went more negative. Since no one wants to hear negative stuff, less attention was paid to this site. And that is fine.

But everything that is manifesting itself in people’s eyes concerning Nintendo’s sales and their future was talked to death on this site. With the 3DS, I said 3d is the problem. Some forums if you say that today, they’ll immediately try to dismiss it because it was said here. But Iwata has already stepped forward and said 3d was a problem with the 3DS. People just don’t want it. It also makes the hardware way expensive. I’ve been anti-Wii U except for NSMB U.

Nintendo’s issue all boils down to that they do not understand what made the DS and Wii successful. They believe they have discovered a ‘Master Formula’ called ‘integrated hardware and software’ which is what made the DS and Wii successful. Who bought a DS for the touch screen? The DS sellers, Animal Crossing, NSMB DS, Mario Kart DS, the RPGs, they didn’t use the touchscreen hardly at all. One could argue Nintendogs and Brain Training, but Tomagotchi sold without a touch screen back when the N64 was released.

I was listening to a Blizzard interview about Heart of the Swarm. When they were talking content, the Blizzard person also said ‘energy’ in place for content. That’s an interesting take on it.

Nintendo games don’t have any energy in them anymore. They all seem designed for people in nursing homes (and I don’t mean Wii Sports. Wii Sports was energetic because WE were the energy with our arm flailing).

We went from this…

…to this…

Wardrums aside, New Nintendo makes you want to fall asleep. Where is the energy? Why all the artsy fartsy water coloring stuff?

We went from this…

… to this…

From this…

….to this….

I remember when Nintendo went into Soviet Russia to get the rights to Tetris. That was trying to get third party support! Today, Nintendo doesn’t give a damn. They allowed Microsoft to take Minecraft which became a significant killer app for the Xbox 360. Now that Nintendo has abandoned the Wii Sports gamer, I suppose they are allowing Microsoft to take them too.

That Gamecube made Nintendo humble. The Wii made Nintendo arrogant.

Concerning the Wii U’s sales, I didn’t think it would flatline this early. I thought it would take a few more months for that to occur. I thought Wii U might get an early boost due to 2d Mario fans. What I’ve learned is that 2d Mario fans are not like other gamers. They are very intelligent and don’t buy a game console for just one game. Woe to Nintendo.

And if the ‘casualz’ aren’t buying the Nintendo machine, maybe the ‘casualz’ aren’t as stupid as the hardcore say they are. The hardcore always buy the game machine no matter what its quality. Who’s the stupid one now?

Nintendo has not reached the point of atonement yet. They still believe the philosophy of ‘integrated hardware and software’ is the answer. Nintendo is at the ‘make the right software’ stage that ‘truly uses the Gamepad’.

The asymmetric multiplayer has been a HUGE BUST. hahahahaha

Stages of Nintendo Grief

-Denial

-Iwata ignores the intense Internet backlash to Wii U’s premier at E3 2011 saying ‘They weren’t here to play it. Why should we care what they say?’

-Iwata ignores the bad launch and says, ‘Sales are steady.’

-Miyamoto says the correct software needs to made to ‘show off how cool the Gamepad is’. [This is where Nintendo is at now.]

Anger

-Anger will erupt at Wii consumers who didn’t buy the Wii U. Remember Reggie’s 3DS “What’s wrong with you?”

-Anger will flow out at third parties who aren’t making games for the Nintendo system.

-Anger will come at the press coverage in some fashion.

-Bargaining

-Cool bundles.

-Price cuts.

-Other neat promos. [Nintendo is nowhere near here yet for the Wii U.]

-Depression

-Remember when Miyamoto revealed that he was ‘very, very sad’ about the Gamecube’s sales? It will be something like that. We won’t see the depression publicly.

-Acceptance

-Nintendo will acknowledge the flaws publicly. With the Gamecube, this came with Nintendo saying, “Yes, the Gamecube looking like a toy did not help us. We should design it so it fits with the rest of the home theater equipment.”

We have a LONG ways to go.

If you look at software franchises, Nintendo has just entered the anger mode. They have been in denial about 3d Mario for quite some time. Only recently have they become angry.

We can see that Nintendo is in full denial about Aonuma Zelda or even Wind Waker.

I have no idea where Nintendo is at on Metroid. Sakamoto hasn’t been seen since Metroid: Other M was released.

While some may find it strange to use the five stages of grief for a corporation instead of an individual, know that a corporation is just a container that holds individuals.

Nintendo is in hell. However, Nintendo is still blaming their execution, not their philosophy. They still have a ways to fall still. Wait when games like Pikmin 3 or Another 3d Mario or Another Aonuma Zelda make no change in Wii U’s performance. I bet that is when Nintendo enters the Anger stage.

Advertisements

Categories

%d bloggers like this: