…re-d-r, I’m l-si-g t-e s-gn-l!
Hello everyone! I am Satoru Iwata. I make video games.
Please understand that we have cut into Malstrom’s signal to bring you an important Nintendo update!
Do welcome our resident Nintendo genius, Sakamoto!
Hello everyone! I am the Sakamoto. I am here to give you a surprise pre-E3 announcement of a new title to be released exclusively for Wii U.
Some of you have played the greatest game in the world: Metroid: Other M. I am here to announce the HD remake of Metroid: Other M exclusively for Wii U. We all know why Metroid: Other M didn’t sell enough: it is because the game wasn’t HD. With HD graphics and the new Gamepad controller, Metroid: Other M will become an entertainment phenomenon outpacing today’s biggest blockbuster movies.
We are also considering a 3DS version of Metroid: Other M for those who need Samus to explore her maternal instincts on the go.
Thank you, Sakamoto-san. We at Nintendo are also proud to announce that we will NEVER have an account system! Thanks to our idiotic competitors who are throwing themselves on their own DRM sword, all gamers now believe the Nintendo console has the superior format! Therefore, we don’t have to do anything at all! Expect hardware based tying to games until the end of time.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
Hahahahahahahahaha! Now that Sony and Microsoft have DRMed themselves to oblivion, you know what that means, Iwata? Now is the time for 3d! Yes, we can’t have enough 3d! And let us make sequels to Gamecube games!
Welcome to Next Generation.