Posted by: seanmalstrom | February 17, 2014

Email: Yahtzee’s Bizarro World

Do you ever watch Zero Punctuation? Sometimes his reviews are funny, but he also epitomizes the hardcore gamer who thinks companies should do more of what doesn’t sell and less of what doesn’t. Check this out: He hits every note there: Nintendo should go back to catering to the audience that made the Gamecube a failure, the Wii U is better than the Wii, Wii gamers were just following a fad, game consoles going online is a terrible idea, and high-end PC gaming is just on the cusp of a total takeover (which I think it has been since at least 1985). If a game company interviewed a hardcore gamer for advice and then did the exact opposite of everything he said, it would be wildly successful.

That was supposed to be a review for Zelda? It sounded like a rant. When I listen to that video, all I hear is culture rot. I’m always a fan of bawdiness (it is why I like the Shakespeare), but the putrid talk is evident of putrid thought. I know he is trying to entertain, but I mean culture rot on a much broader level. I find people talk like that now in normal everyday situations.  I mean telling us how big your penis is (even showing it as Yahtzee did), the drug jokes, and so on and so forth. Do these people realize just how they’re cornering themselves to be low class? If you have to be crude in order to be interesting, you were never interesting to begin with. (oops! I ended that sentence with a preposition! That ‘rule’ came from Latin use. Ever since the 1950s, the language has been uncoupled from Latin roots since changing the word inflammable to flammable.)

He is saying everything wrong because of his disordered mind. He doesn’t even realize he contradicts himself. Consider two things he believes is true:

a) Wii was a fad.

b) Tablets and smartphones have taken away ‘da casualz’.

Both of these cannot be true. How can something be a ‘fad’ if it is still going on? There is no logical thinking in these hardcore. They talk with their tingles. They ‘feel’ something so it must be true.

I don’t see how anyone can look at the Wii U and not see the spiritual successor to the Gamecube. Wii U has Gamecube controls, it has included Gamecube connectivity as its main console feature, and it has Gamecube sequels and games. But this observation would conclude that the Wii U is tailored more for the hardcore gamer. The hardcore gamer will never indict themselves. I remember at the end of Generation 6, IGN wrote a review of the consoles and said how Gamecube’s hardware was weaker than the PlayStation 2. This simply is not true. PlayStation 2’s hardware was weaker than the Gamecube and the Xbox. The Gamecube and Xbox sold around the same number of units. Yet, somehow, the Gamecube was a ‘huge failure’ while the Xbox was a ‘roaring success’. You have to be mentally insane to believe both of those things simultaneously.

All in all, Yahtzee doesn’t even give us a review of Zelda. Prattle all you want, but don’t say something is a review and then not review it.



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