Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 8, 2014

Email: Every indie game is like Aonuma Zelda


There have been a bunch of Indie games “free” for Playstation Plus
users recently. Lone Survivor, Stealth Inc, Vessel, Thomas Was Alone,
and a whole lot more. I’ve tried a good number them, and they are
virtually ALL Aonuma Zelda games minus the combat. That is, they’re
just sequences of rooms where literally all you do is move blocks to
the proper spot, hit switches in the right order, and put the correct
maguffin on the the right pedestal. What makes them OMG AMAZING is
they typically have some pretentious “arty” aesthetic and a
self-indulgent story with a “dark” twist that “makes you think.”

Few if any of these games are commercially successful. I typically
find the puzzles trivial and solve them within a matter of seconds.
Even when I don’t, just hitting the switches in some natural order
usually gets me through. The idea of a small, low-budget platformer
appeals to me, but these developers need to start looking at Super
Mario Bros instead of Skyward Sword for their template of a good game.

This is exactly right. ANYONE can make a puzzle game with artsy-fartsy styles. I can get that “entertainment” anywhere. This is why I don’t think Aonuma has any talent… at least not at game making. Maybe ‘team leading’ or whatever else he does behind the scenes. The Aonuma games are just terrible and absolutely wretched. Why else did Majestic bomb? The only reason why Aonuma has lasted this long is because much can be hidden inside a familiar IP. Everyone WANTS to believe the Aonuma games are ‘real Zeldas’ but in their heart they know it is not. Zelda games are AMBITIOUS games for their time. Zelda 1 was ambitious. Zelda 2 was ambitious. LTTP was ambitious. Ocarina of Time was ambitious. Aonuma Zelda is just amateur hour indie game design wrapped in a high budget Zelda IP.

If you took away the Zelda IP and big budget, would anyone like the Aonuma Zelda games? Raise your hand if you would. I mean, there are some people who genuinely like games like Okami (without being told it was ‘good’ by a game journalist or a gaming message forum). But sales matter and these games aren’t selling.

Aonuma does the same damn thing with each new preview of a Zelda game. “Here is Zelda 1. We would like to get back to the spirit of the original Zelda.” Then in the end, the Zelda game may have a ‘tribute’ to it in terms of a sound effect or art, but it is nothing at all like Zelda. Aonuma hates Zelda. Why should any of it influence his game design?

Buying Aonuma Zelda because THIS TIME the Zelda will ‘be good’ and be ‘getting back to the roots of Zelda because of X’ is like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football. Aonuma, being evil like Lucy, takes the ball away. “Tee hee!”

What Aonuma is doing is trying to establish Zelda as ‘his game’. Unfortunately for him, no one associates Zelda with any of his games. Zelda is Ocarina of Time. Zelda is Link to the Past. Zelda is Legend of Zelda. Zelda is not Skyward Sword. Zelda is not Spirit Tracks. Zelda is not Wind Waker. This is why the ‘teasing’ of ‘This new Zelda will get back to the roots of Zelda with X feature,’ is to buy time hoping that one of his Zelda games ‘sticks’.

If you don’t believe me, look at Sakamoto and Metroid: Other M. Other M was not Metroid. But Sakamoto wanted it to be Metroid. Sakamoto intentionally marketed Other M as if it were the spiritual successor to Super Metroid. The end sequence of Super Metroid is the intro sequence to Other M. It was an intentional lie to make you all buy Other M and then ‘be surprised as you greatly enjoy Sakamoto’s astonishing new direction for Metroid’. That is what he was up to. And that is what Aonuma has been doing for years. Sakamoto’s intention was revealed because he pulled too hard too soon. Aonuma isn’t allowed to go totally wild… just yet. He is still trying to get everyone to get on board with ‘his genius’.

I love how Aonuma just ‘declares’ how Wind Waker re-release confirms how everyone has ‘accepted’ that Zelda. No, it hasn’t. The sales show it hasn’t. And we know the real plan was that the Wii U was to be selling MUCH better than Gamecube and for Wind Waker HD to be re-released and become MORE popular than Wind Waker GC version so Aonuma could then boast about how people have accepted Wind Waker as the re-release outsells the GC version. But, nope, that is not the case. Yet, Aonuma will say it anyway.

These people are megalomaniacs.

Above: No! Completely wrong!



%d bloggers like this: