Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 14, 2014

Captain Toad is looking like the Worst Game Ever Made

It is like all my nightmares have been combined, Voltron-like, into one game: Captain Toad Treasure Seeker.

The game is nothing but puzzles, puzzles, puzzles. And in addition to that, the game is 3d, 3d, 3d. 3d puzzles! No, it is not enough we have Aonuma Zelda and 3d Mario for their goddamn 3d puzzles. No, they had to dedicate a new spin-off to MORE 3D PUZZLES. Nintendo only makes one type of game anymore and that is ‘3d puzzles’. They don’t want to make anything else!

“But it is cute.”

No. It is vile and demonic. Captain Toad Treasure Seeker is the pinnacle of all that is wrong at Nintendo.

“But what about Lolo?”

Lolo was actually fun. Lolo was heroic. Lolo went through dungeons. There was actually maps in Lolo. Captain Toad won’t do any of that. It is just floating 3d puzzles. Nintendo won’t even charge full price for the game because they know how crappy it is.

Lolo 3 actually had a WORLD that helped with progression. Even Mario 64 has the palace hub where it felt like you had progression. Now Nintendo has gone anti-maps and anti-world. Nothing is integrated into the game. Everything is floating around as ‘space puzzles in 3d’.

Very clean gameplay. Heroic music. So much better than the Captain Turd: Treasure Seeker theme. A new Lolo game would be better than this junk.


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