Posted by: seanmalstrom | June 16, 2015

Nintendo E3 2015 evaluation

For all of those who watched the Nintendo E3 2015 stream…

…I feel so sorry for you.

I feel sorry for myself too. Talk about boring. And what is with the muppets? Was anyone entertained by this? Were Iwata, Reggie, and Miyamoto too lazy to actually ‘act’ in a video? What is going on here?

Reggie did say NX news was coming in 2016. The NX platform is likely to be an online/server based platform where new hardware will tie into it. 3DS came out in 2011 which means it will be 5 years old in 2016. A released NX hardware in 2017 sounds about right. 3DS successor should be revealed very soon.

I expect Zelda Wii U to become Zelda NX. I expect Metroid Wii U to become Metroid NX.

With NX, it may even be possible to play such games from your PC. Unlikely, but with the new platform, who knows.

Let’s go through our E3 2015 game line up. When I am done here, I am going to take a shower to take off the filth.

I do like the Treehouse segments. The girl at the Treehouse is cute too.


Starfox Zero

Starfox is not a big seller. There is a reason why Nintendo stopped making it. The SNES Starfox was fresh and used the FX chip. Starfox N64 gave gaming the Rumble Pak. But every other Starfox game has been a huge disappointment. Starfox Adventures…. no. Starfox DS…. really, really bad. Starfox 3DS…. who cares?

If anyone believes Starfox Zero is going to sell Wii Us, I have a bridge I’d like to sell you.

Above: It’s Wii U’s flagship game! Oh, I feel for you Wii U owners.


Zelda Triforce 3DS Multiplayer Game

Whatever the name it is, this game is bomba. Multiplayer Zelda is a cool idea. Multiplayer Aonuma Zelda is a form of torture. Aonuma still doesn’t understand Zelda. Doing puzzles ‘together’ is not fun. There’s a reason why Lolo games were never multiplayer. The Gamecube-Gameboy Advance Zelda game didn’t sell like wildfire. Why would Nintendo do this? It sounds like some experiment people were doing and Nintendo decided to ship it just to ship something.


More Fire Emblem

It isn’t going to sell more 3DSes.


Metroid Prime Federation Force

What the hell is this? It seems to be a third person shooter team game along with ‘Blast Ball’ that we saw from World Championship 2015. Did anyone want this? I sure as hell didn’t.

Above: It’s a nightmare!

It’s the sequel to Metroid Prime Hunters! Except that it looks worse! What I don’t understand is the branding. Why is it ‘Metroid Prime Federation Force’. Why not ‘Metroid Federation Force’. What does Prime have to do with this?

It seems to be that Prime = 3d. So anything related to Metroid in 3d is going to have Prime slapped on it. When I think of Prime, I think of the Metroid Prime games on the Gamecube with their awesome music and all. Metroid Prime Pinball was truly wonderful and awesome. But this…

No one is going to buy a 3DS for this. It seems like this is just left over game concepts slapped together to put something up for a dying console.


Hyrule Warriors Legends (for 3DS)

Hyrule Warriors was a hit on the Wii U and surpassed expections. Do you know why, dear reader? It is because Hyrule Warriors was not Aonuma Zelda. So what does Nintendo do? They try to inject Aonuma Zelda into it. I cannot believe it!

Hyrule Warriors Legends will not just be on the 3DS, it will have all of Aonuma Zelda characters in it. Lots of Wind Waker and Majora’s Mask.

I’m not sure how the Wii U port will run on the 3DS. I think everyone who wanted to play Hyrule Warriors has already done so. Nintendo even says that when you move software off of the hardware it was designed for, it sells for much less.

Can Aonuma not stand a Zelda game success occurring outside him? I was shouting at the stream during this point. At least we haven’t heard from Sakamoto after the Other M disaster. But why is Aonuma still around? Why is he ramming Wind Waker down our throats?


Xenoblade X

This game looks awesome. The first game was successful too. Why wouldn’t this be?

Yoshi Woolly World

Platformer overload is on the Wii U. I don’t see Yoshi game doing much. Has any Yoshi game done anything for a console?


Mario Tennis

Why would anyone want this for 3DS? Why?


Paper Mario Crossover

Paper Mario might be ‘ok’, but this crossover is just telling us they have run out of ideas. No.


Animal Crossing Wii U

Did Animal Crossing do well on the Wii? And Wii had a much larger install base. I think Animal Crossing does best as a mobile game.


Mario Maker

This game won’t sell Wii Us, but it will be played 20 years from now. This game will be as beloved as Mario Paint is. Normally, user generated content doesn’t work. It won’t work here either. But people will still love messing with this DECADES from now. If I owned a Wii U, Mario Maker would be the first game I’d get.



Nintendo believes 3DS is done with its lifecyle and Wii U might as well. They don’t seem to be ‘trying’. All the games seem budget based. Zelda Wii U will likely be transformed to Zelda NX. Metroid Wii U will likely be transformed to Metroid NX.

E3 2016 will be the make it or break it for Nintendo of not just that year but for Generation Nine.

I do not think Nintendo can recover financially if Generation Nine is as much of a disaster as Generation Eight was. E3 2016 will be very, very critical. This E3 2015 seems like an afterthought.



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