Posted by: seanmalstrom | December 3, 2016

New Zelda BoW gameplay

What is this!? Let us look at it together, reader.

5 seconds in…

Aww geez… There are two ways to look about Bill Trinen who is dressing like a grandpa and beginning to look and sound like one. If the video is trying to use Trinen to resemble what most Zelda fans look like, then this works. However,  I think people are forgetting that even though this is gameplay trailer, this is still a work of broadcast. Look, I had a problem listening to Iwata’s broken English as a native English speaker. I shouldn’t have to listen to that. But the question is obvious:

Why are we looking at Bill Trinen?

You cannot go to Gamestop and buy Bill Trinen. Bill Trinen is not the product. Bill Trinen is also not a model. Why not just have footage of the gameplay and spare us looking at these Nintendo employees? When a car is being marketed, they do not put old dad up there. They put hot female model instead if they put anything.

I have a problem with Miyamoto and others jumping in front of cameras all the time. We’re interested in the game, not in the developer… or the marketer… or the guy who drives the boat that takes the Nintendo products  across the Pacific ocean.

The game is the product, not Nintendo employees. So why is screentime wasted on looking at these fools?

30 seconds in….

There is a Big Bird playing an accordion. God damn it, Aonuma. You keep putting in shit like this. No one thinks this is interesting or funny. It is just crap. Sheer crap. I do not like Big Birds let alone when they play accordions. Fuck these crappy characters. They should call Aonuma’s games “Link And The Crappy NPCs”. It is like Aonuma has no idea how to make a decent NPC.

42 seconds in…

Did you notice the poem? Look at Aonuma go!

Where the dragon’s mouth meets the serpent jaws,

A shrine sleeps in the forest with noble cause.

If you are trying to pull off Iambic Pentameter here, Nintendo, please stop.

1 minute in…

“Ohhh! Look how the enemy took seven of his hearts! This game gonna be like Dark Souls, yeah man.”

Dumb ass hardcore gamer there. Big attacks do not matter because Link just eats food and is healed.

End of video…

Geez, Bill Trinen is dressing like grandpa!

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