Posted by: seanmalstrom | December 3, 2016

New Zelda BoW Trailer

What should we make of this?

Well, it is a trailer. We play games, not movies. A demo to play is the equivalent of a movie trailer. These game teasers are really ridiculous in terms of interactive entertainment.

The village looks boring. NPCs will probably be a bunch of retards. Do they have schedules?

The Legend of Zelda, the NES game, was based on the open world RPG of PC games. That PC game (there were several in that time) was largely Ultima 3.

Image result for ultima 3

Image result for ultima 3 map

Now here is where it gets interesting. Zelda Breath of Wild is looking for inspiration from Legend of Zelda which took inspiration from Ultima 3. But the Ultima series has many amazing innovations that many games haven’t picked up on yet. Keep in mind that Ultima did invent the MMORPG as well. Ultima IV for the virtue system, Ultima V for the schedules and tight storyline, Ultima VI for a one world map (no town map or dungeon map, all on same map interconnected), Ultima VII for its interactions, etc.

What I would like to see are schedules for the npcs. Sure, they might wake up and go to sleep, but are they truly three dimensional people? Ulitma VII pulled this off by hiring a broadway scriptwriter to write the dialogue for the NPCs (and it is truly immersive). The NPCs will mostly be cogs in a wheel.

“Why do the NPCs matter?” the reader asks. Well, you cannot be the hero without them, right? What exactly are you going to save? The NPCs of course! The more developed and interesting the NPCs are, the more of a hero you feel for saving them.

I have a problem seeing that little rustic village and then seeing super technological airship. Come on! This worked out well in Final Fantasy 1 because only a few parts of the world had high technology, and it was all from a collapsed civilization. There was an airship, but you dug it up. In Final Fantasy IV, the high technology was integrated with some of the towns (Baron which used its Red Wings to attack other city-states). Final Fantasy VI integrated high technology quite well.

Then there is this guy:

Why is Falco in a Zelda game? When I see this, I think this:

Image result for big bird

I really, really, really  hate the animal races in Zelda. Why aren’t the humans in tribes? Nintendo can’t pull it off, that is why. Now we are stuck with all these stupid furries. One great thing about Zelda 2 is that there were multiple cities. Ever since then, there is largely just one town in a Zelda game. I do not care about the animal races. They are stupid. The people who made them are stupid. The developers are not geniuses with their ‘creativity’, they are creating garbage with these ‘races’. And these ‘races’ seem to move like anime characters. So terrible!

Imagine watching M*A*S*H and Batman comes running in (the terrible Batman from the 50s show). The audience would be jarred. Batman does not belong in MASH’s universe. It doesn’t make sense. In the same way, these stupid bird people and other animal races do not belong in Zelda. They don’t make sense. Any moron would know this, but Nintendo loves employing morons and promoting them so they make Wii Us that blow up and cost Nintendo billions.

And what of the female character that is probably Zelda: The Transgender Version? I think Link should start wearing dresses at this point. (No, don’t link me pictures to pantless Link saying he does!)

Is Zelda cross dressing again? Am I the only one tired of Zelda cross dressing? She did it in Ocarina of Time as Sheik. She did it to be a pirate in Wind Waker.

“Well, what ARE you saying Zelda should be doing, Malstrom?” fumes the reader. “Are you saying Zelda should be barefoot and pregnant?”

YES! Hell, YES! ESPECIALLY when she is captured by Ganon. Can you imagine Ganon breeding with Zelda to create unholy monsters that you have to hunt down and kill? That’d be more interesting and more mythic than anything else that has ever come out of Zelda.

And it worked for Princess Toadstool.

What about the airships? Well, we’ll see what they do. I do not like how the Big Bird race runs around in airships. Why don’t they FLY? THEY ARE BIRDS, AONUMA. BIRDS! What would birds need an airship for? Are the Zora going to have boats now???

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