Posted by: seanmalstrom | January 13, 2017

First Impressions of Switch Full Reveal

There is too much information to go over. We can digest it later on. Let us go through the big stuff.

Let us talk about the presentation. I LOVED the presentation. I am not sure what planet you hardcore gamers are on. The pre-show with the DJ and the lasers were really cool. I loved how the usual faces like Miyamoto were largely absent and the spotlight was put on to new people (new to us). Nintendo is full of amazing talent. It is not the Miyamoto Company!

I love how dressy they are. Everyone was wearing a blazer. Even the third party developers! It isn’t as far as wearing a tuxedo for the E3 2006 Wii reveal, but it was very classy. A new console should be revealed with class.

I laughed that the very first thing shown was a picture with an arrow pointing to it that said ‘CONSOLE’. hahahahaha. During the Wii U reveal, reporters didn’t realize a console was revealed. Iwata had to stand there holding the console and tweet himself.

I’m not sure how anyone could complain about the presentation. I think it was all really well done and produced. Everyone was on point. Although Aonuma needs to stop wearing that hoodie.

The stagecraft with the Zelda trailer at the end and the release date being launch was masterful. Well done.

So let us go on about the content of the show since I think the presentation and production were top notch.

Kimishimi put out the bad news right away. The double whammies of the price point being $300 (really?) and the revelation of a PAID Nintendo online service. I can’t comment about the online service since we know nothing about it. The $300 is definitely not going to help the Switch sell. Why is it so expensive? Oh yeah, the over-engineered controllers.

Nintendo, we love you. We really do. But these Joycon controllers you are putting out ARE TOO DAMN COMPLEX. There is nothing ‘ease of use’ with those controllers. The standard controller scared people back when the Wii was launched which is why the Wii-mote did well. Wii-mote’s ease of use is to the standard controller’s complexity of what the standard controller’s ease of use is to these nightmarish Joycon torture devices.

HD Rumble? Who asked for this? No one! It is just another incremental step of Nintendo building their OMG I CANT BELIEVE IT IS NOT 3D Virtual Reality manifest destiny. All this is making these controllers extremely expensive. These inputs will be used in a few games and then completely forgotten. Why not have unique joycons for these games? Joycons are way over-engineered. Screw all this. I’ll just get a pro controller and play Zelda and Skyrim.

Now let us go over some of the games.

2-1-Switch. A party game? No one cares. Seriously, no one cares.

ARMS. I do not want to play this.

Zelda: Breath of Wild. Now we’re talking. This puppy will sell.

Skyrim. This will sell big too.

Super Mario Odyssey. Another fucking 3d Mario trash game. Why can’t we have a 2d Mario ‘sandbox’ game? It’d be way more fun. Nintendo using the real world shows that Nintendo lacks the talent to create worlds. They think ‘new ip’ is new shitty characters like whatever that shit was in ARMS. It isn’t. The IP isn’t Mario, it is Mushroom Kingdom. The IP isn’t Zelda, it is Hyrule. The IP isn’t Samus Aran, it is Planet Zebes and the Metroids.

The hat as a living thing is just creepy. The game looks well produced, but this game will not sell hardware. Do you know how I know this? It is because NO 3D MARIO HAS EVER SOLD HARDWARE OR EVER WILL SELL HARDWARE. Super Mario 64 only delivered the N64 to sales disaster in Japan and Europe. Super Mario 64 DS ensured the PSP would outsell the DS. Sunshine helped destroy the Gamecube. Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2 didn’t move Wii hardware. Super Mario Land and World did absolutely nothing to move hardware. But Nintendo shits out another 3d Mario because ‘fuck you, we only like 3d Mario. Here is a map editor for your 2d Mario fans.’

Xenoblade 2. Cool.

Dragon Quest X and XI. Only in Japan. But no one plays Dragon Quest outside Japan anyway. And Nintendo has been trying to market Dragon Quest to the West since… the very first Dragon Quest game. Nintendo even gave away Dragon Quest 1 for free with a subscription to Nintendo Power! The West still hates Dragon Quest but Nintendo will keep trying because damn the market, it is only what Nintendo likes that matters!

Was that the No More Heroes game maker up there? Such a game will bomb like No More Heroes 1 and 2 did on Wii.

FIFA. No one cares.

Splatoon 2. OK.

I think console libraries should follow what I call ‘Malstrom’s Stool’. A stool has three legs just as a game console should have three legs. One third of the games should be brand new. Second third should be sequels. And the third leg should be old games re-released. Look at game libraries such as the NES or even Wii and you will see the stool in action. On the NES, games like Donkey Kong or Pac-Man or Mario Brothers or Galaga were old news and over half a decade old. Still, people liked them. I don’t see anyone complaining about the Resident Evil 4 port to the Wii either.

I think the biggest weakness of the presentation was not telling us what would be available on launch day. The console is coming out within a couple of months. This isn’t an E3 reveal situation where the console launches half a year away. Tell us what games will be out for launch already.

There is still information we are not getting. One thing I am almost certain is that the online service will include access to Virtual Console games. Seeing the appeal of the NES Mini, this should be nothing to sneeze at.

Personally, I will buy the Switch. I need six games I want to buy in order to get any console. Three must be out and three must be in the works at least. I can think of Zelda, Skyrim, Bomberman (it was shown), Xenoblade 2, and a few more of the smaller games. Hell, maybe Minecraft and Stardew Valley.

Switch won’t be a Wii hit and it won’t be a Wii U disaster. I think this console is going to have legs and won’t be so front loaded. I think Switch will do worse than the Nintendo handhelds but better than the Nintendo consoles except the Wii and NES.

What are the thoughts of the beautiful reader?


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