Posted by: seanmalstrom | February 15, 2017

My email is so quiet today

Yesterday, my email was full of letters from unhappy people that I did anti-hype of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

Today, we got the DLC announcement with Aonuma narrating! Oh!

“That Malstrom guy… how does he know?”

Here is what we know for sure…

HARD MODE BEHIND DLC WALL means… Breath of the Wild will not be a difficult game!

And those big, beautiful Breath of the Wild strategy guides you guys bought? Those are now incomplete with all the DLC. hahahahahahahahaah

Image result for aonuma

Above:  Aonuma strikes up his girlish pose. “Hello. I am Aonuma. I have fucked up your Zelda YET AGAIN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Five years from now, I will say, ‘we have learned our lesson and will make a truly epic Zelda that takes inspiration from the old school Zelda.’ And you suckers will fall for it again and again! Now lets play some text adventure games! I need to make more puzzles! Water dungeons are the best!”

So why did Nintendo announce the DLC now? I actually suspect that Breath of the Wild has terrible, terrible replay value. All of Aonuma games do. The DLC helps prevent a negative backlash to the Switch’s flagship title. Instead of saying, “This game got old fast,” people will now say, “Wait for the DLC.” Nintendo can keep that up until Mario Odyssey launches and with the rest of the holiday games.

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