Posted by: seanmalstrom | March 8, 2017

Seven words to the Zelda fans

I have seven words to the Zelda fans out there:

“I am ready to accept your accolades.”

How long have I been complaining about Zelda on this site? Over ten years? I have been a broken record on Zelda. I have personally attacked the producer, Aonuma, in despair. Many, many Zelda fans were pissed off at me. “Phantom Hourglass is wonderful. You’re just a big meanie, Malstrom!” or “Wind Waker is the best video game ever made!”

It is like Breath of the Wild took in every complaint I made about Zelda. I know I am not the only one. There were many forums saying similar things. But many people on the forums say those things because they see it here first, go “Yeah!” and have the confidence to go out and say it. Nintendo then begins to see it.

We need to get back to Zelda 1 where you have no one directing you. No lame ass tutorial mode.

“I am ready to accept your accolades.”

What is with all the silly Japanese monsters? They look dumb. Why not have some dragons and all? Maybe Aonuma wants Zelda to be a Japanese pride parade?

And there are dragons again in Zelda (Zelda 1 and 2 had dragons!).

“I am ready to accept your accolades.”

Zelda is too easy. Why can’t Zelda be harder? Like Zelda 1 or 2?

“I am ready to accept your accolades.”

I haven’t played the entire game yet, but it is clear that this is a substantially DIFFERENT Zelda. This game is not perfect, it has flaws, but what is important is that THIS IS A ZELDA GAME.

I thought I would die before I played another Zelda game again. All those Zelda games from now to Ocarina of Time? They might have said Zelda on them, but they were not Zelda games.

Before Skyrim…

Before Grand Theft Auto…

There was Zelda.

Zelda was the real-time open world game. Period.

Zelda was not about ‘puzzles’ and ‘stupid npc storytime’.

They even put in NPC schedules! I kept harping on that like in Ultima 7.

I am trying to think of any Zelda complaint I had that Breath of Wild doesn’t address. It addresses them all.

Notice how the game starts? It starts really cool! And no stupid intro town where you save a dumbass cat! When you return to the plateau later on in the game, you wonder how in the world you could have thought that area to be dangerous. It is like kiddie land once you’ve been in other areas.

Combat? Not so sure about Zelda BoW “Wow!” combat, but it is much more surprising and challenging than any Zelda in the last two decades.

Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is what Zelda is, what Zelda always has been, and what Zelda ought to be. This is the caliber of game I have always expected from Zelda. When we got crap like Skyward Sword or Wind Waker, my disappointment and hatred comes from the loss of time. Imagine all these great Zelda games we could have had if it hadn’t of been for Aonuma’s irrational insane beliefs.

Think of the great Metroid games we are not getting because Sakamoto and others are insane and think Metroid is anime? This is why we must keep complaining. Once we get a REAL METROID, you will see how crappy stuff we have been getting. But Metroid is an easy example.

I am not sure when I started going anti-aonuma Zelda, pro-Classic Zelda. But it was very long time ago. It was at the same time, or maybe earlier, when the call to original Zelda was made. Skyward Sword was like Aonuma going, “Screw you! Everything shall be a puzzle!” and the game was such an expensive disappointment.

The reason why I am making this post is that for YEARS I have been treated insane by the Zelda community. Now, you have an actual Zelda game in your hands. Note how the other Zelda games seem ridiculously mediocre compared to Breath of the Wild. Twilight Princess, a Zelda I do not hate, is absolute garbage and trash compared to Breath of the Wild.

Image result for most interesting man in the world

Above: Malstrom sits with pretty girls and welcomes the reader. He puts down his Switch, turns to you, and says, “I am ready to accept your accolades!”

Advertisements

Categories

%d bloggers like this: