Posted by: seanmalstrom | March 23, 2017

Email: Mass Effect 2 and Zelda

I’ll tell you something Malstrom, Mass Effect 2 was the shit, one of my absolute favorite games of all time but with ME3 Bioware officially revoked their man card and went full SJW which proved Jack Wall (the man responsible for the ME series soundtrack) made the right decision to leave the sinking ship rather than go down with it.

From the video you posted ME Andromeda looks like yet another SJW turd that would make Aonuma proud with how low quality it is.

Forced grrrrlpower, forced ethnic characters with ZERO charisma…SNORE!

No thanks.

Anyway back to the superior pre-full SJW onslaught game Mass Effect 2 and why I’m really writing you this email…

One of the greatest ideas in it which I suppose kind of applies to many other great RPG’s that I think would work incredibly well for Zelda in an organic sense is Mass Effect 2’s RPG party system.

How it worked is Commander Shepard due to his many travels throughout the galaxy meets interesting people that you the player as him (male Shepard alone is canon to me) naturally builds an RPG party (Shepard’s crew) from and I’d argue this RPG need for a party/band of brothers what have you works better in ME2 than it does in almost any other RPG because of how natural/organic the process is ie you’d naturally already think that a ship’s captain/commander would need a crew without needing much extra explanation for why that is since again the need for such is already inbuilt with the revelation that Shepard is the leader of the ship.

Its not like in someother RPG where you’re just some random guy who has to save some land and you need to run into multiple NPC characters who literally have to tell you to go build up a party for yourself.

With Shepard you just kinda know thats what you need to do and you expect it.

Malstrom I’ve often thought that pro wrestling and great videogames have a lot in common and what I mean by that is when pro wrestling is done right.

“Done right” defined as when its at its most hot/popular/ratings through the roof wise ie the WCW/NWO Vs. WWF/WWF Attitude Era Monday Night Wars or the Golden Age of Pro Wrestling back in the 80’s with it’s Rock N’ Wrestling and the age and rise of Hulkamania.

Pro wrestling as they say is: “theater at it’s most base”.

You strip away all the bullshit and what you have is an easily understandable narrative ie good guys Vs. bad guys (80’s Hulkamania era) or the anti heroes Vs. the new bad guys who are wrestlers that simply aren’t over with the crowd or who play against the crowd for boos (in the Attitude era) and all the resulting drama that pitting these certain personalities against other personalities entails.

Pro wrestling legend Jake “The Snake” Roberts said that what pro wrestlers do is they “masturbate your emotions”.

Crude? Sure. Accurate? Very much so.

Well Mass Effect 2 did that VERY well with it’s organic party system. You ran into cool and interesting people/aliens, learned their stories and actually came to care about what happened to these characters that stood by your side.

Throughout the entire Zelda series we’ve only ever had our emotions properly masturbated to put it bluntly via the Midna character which is why said character out of all the Aonuma turds that are out there is still loved and cherished to this day by Zelda fans everywhere who want desperately for her to make a return.

“I” even like the character and you know how much I despise Aonuma Zelda as a longtime fan/reader of yours so thats saying something.

What Nintendo doesn’t realize (or does and ignores) is Zelda fans are starved for reasons to care about any of the characters other than Link.

So I say why not create a Zelda game that gives both the Malstromy gamers out there what they want ie immediate arcade combatty actiony goodness at first booting up of the game combined with an organic non intrusive story/story elements of finding on your journey compelling characters you can add to your party (Zelda with a party system? Oh whoa what an idea!) who will be written so well that you will actually come to care about what happens to them and put them and you as Link ALL on a (suicide) mission together to take down Ganon/Ganon’s castle (Mordor) + moblins/other grim and genuinely scary monsters (and not the clownish Aonuma version of moblins/monsters) and make things have a REAL IMPACT on the player’s psyche/emotions/everything?

Zelda had two original creators Miyamoto and Takashi Tezuka.

Tezuka’s inspiration for Zelda was Lord Of The Rings.

I’d like to see Zelda evolve as a game series more towards Lord Of The Rings style grittiness and darkness with a realistic graphical presentation/edge to it with many characters other than just Link that you actually care about (which will compell you to want to play the game even more) and away from the cartoony colorful Carebears nonsense of the disasterous Aonuma reign over the series.

I’d like to see Ganon evolve more towards being a Sauron like Dark Lord and his Castle become more like a foreboding Mordor while Death Mountain becomes more like a true Mountain of Doom and have all of these locales in future Zelda games fitted with powerful and ferocious and genuinely disturbing to see scary enemies who spill real red blood and don’t puff and dissapear into cartoony lame smoke as again Aonuma games have long dis-graced us with.

In closing here is what a youtube commenter named David Johnson said on youtube about Mass Effect 2. I agree with every word of what he said save for the beginning part about Mass Effect 3 which I consider in the same realm as ALL Aonuma Zelda games (and nearly all Yukes pro wrestling games for that matter) which means I consider ME3 absolute trash.

“I still loved Mass Effect 3. But Mass Effect 2 was far superior, simply because it was a game based on the characters. The suicide mission was a thing of beauty, the fact that I cared about every single one of my squad members, I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. Terrified about what would could happen.

Easily the greatest hour of any video game I’ve ever played.”-David Johnson

Anyway Malstrom I’m not one of those fruity closet case millenial gamers or Chris Matthews “thrill down his leg” types that “gets chills” over each and every little mildly stimulating piece of entertainment that comes along, but I DID get legitimate chills and was wildly “marking out” as they say in pro wrestling fandom, when I played Mass Effect 2 and got to the suicide mission part and that awesome music by Jack Wall started playing indicating shit was about to go down and you as Commander Shepard stood up and gave your rousing speech to your assembled troops/party/group.

What a truly awesome moment that was in gaming!

I’d like to experience a similar feeling playing Link some day and quite honestly I think ME2’s natural/organic system of party building could quite easily be applied to the Zelda series.

During Link’s adventure he could find various people, wounded knights to recruit to his cause of taking down Ganon and saving Hyrule, hell you could even have him take or find some of his future party members in dungeons as the “prize” for beating them, etc.


I’m not sure party members would work in Zelda. Nintendo still can’t even do NPCs right. They all make constipation sounds when you talk to them. “Urrgghhhh.” “Arrrghhhh.”

One thing is for sure is that Zelda will never ever be ‘gritty’. It is going to be anime. ALWAYS. It is something about the Japanese. They turn everything into anime. I’m doing some research, and it is amusing how ancient Ultima games would get converted to anime as they enter Japan.

I’m curious to see what Nintendo’s reaction is to BoW “Wow!” is. They obviously knew they had something or they wouldn’t have devoted E3 2016 to that single game. They wouldn’t have made all these videos, celebrations, and pictures if they didn’t know. They knew.

I’ve realized also that Nintendo knows our frustrations. They knew we wanted more 2d Mario before NSMB. They know what we think Metroid is (Sakamoto just doesn’t like that Metroid). And in Zelda BoW “Wow!”, it shows that Nintendo knew all along what we were wanting yet we kept getting Aonuma’s Insane Puzzle Dramas.

Also, is this going to be the peak of the Switch with this Zelda? Is all Nintendo software from here on out going to be downhill? It’d be a huge disappointment if so!



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