Posted by: seanmalstrom | March 25, 2017

Beat Second Dungeon of Zelda BoW “Wow!”

What is interesting is that the order of the dungeons will differ depending on where people go after leaving the plateau. I’m probably the norm, and I am going where story cues take me. First dungeon was Zora with the Big Fat Elephant. Since I wanted access to Second Tech Lab, I went NE after that which goes to Death Mountain and to the Second Dungeon with the Big Fat Lizard.

I am 55 hours in the game.

Let’s divide Big Fat Lizard into these parts…

-Finding Stupid Goron NPC

-Quest With Stupid Goron NPC to disable Big Fat Lizard

-Big Fat Lizard puzzle fest

-Big Fat Lizard boss.

So for Finding Stupid Goron NPC I enjoyed significantly. It is very fire archer heavy. There are many ways to get to Stupid Goron NPC. I just rushed in and killed the archers with my Ice Sword (found in a shrine somewhere. This is the place to make use of Ice Swords!).

The LONG ASS quest to go up Death Mountain and to disable Divine Fat Lizard is boring, annoying, and is an ESCORT QUEST. Yes. It is an escort quest. However, it is nowhere as annoying and terrible as disabling the Elephant which takes a gazillion arrows. “Just use water columns, Malstrom.” Shut up, you. This part is Aonuma Zelda that is VERY LINEAR. All of a sudden, you are playing Wind Waker here. It is terrible. Terrible, terrible!

Once you get into Big Fat Lizard, the stress is gone since you can now quick travel (it won’t let you do it once you have Stupid Goron NPC around). There is only one part of this puzzle fest I liked which was at the very beginning when it was all pitch black. You must carry around a torch to see where you are going. I was surprised that I’d be in a dark place since I was inside a volcano with bright lava. Once you get the map, the ceiling opens up flooding the place with light. Then it becomes the typical shitty puzzle fest. “Rotate Lizard 90 degrees to get to terminal.” Geez, Aonuma, this is SO MUCH FUN. Bah. This is not adventure! Rotating Lizard 90 degrees to get to terminals is not fun! Who designed this shit? Can I pay money to remove it? If Nintendo wants to make more money, have Removable Content where we can pay to remove Aonuma’s shit.

The boss of the dungeon is nowhere as difficult as the Elephant boss. I broke my Ice Sword on him and then switched to Ice Arrows. One cool trick to do with him is to hold up a bomb when he goes sucking in during second phase. He will suck in bomb, you detonate it, and he will fall to the ground stunned where you can whack him. Ice arrows helped end this boss fast. MUCH easier than Elephant boss. [The story is terrible. To hell with the Gorons. I want genocide against them. They all look like Mr. Potato Heads.]

Image result for mr. potato head

Above: Looks like a Goron.

I think my travel this time is following Nintendo’s ‘official’ way. Game is hinting for me to go to forest next, so I will go ahead and do that. I guess Big Fat Bird will be my third dungeon. Since I am 55 hours in now, maybe I might beat Big Fat Bird at 80 hours?

I hope to finish Breath of Wild before Mario Kart releases a month from now. Sounds absurd, but this game is long as hell.


Got 2 fairies. Hyrule’s fairies seem to be the spirit of terrible women. The fairies are all fat, wear too much make-up, and demand money to restore their life force. The money is not enough. They keep demanding more and more money! The fourth fairy will demand 10,000 gold! Poor Link…

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