Above: Sakamoto, the Destroyer of the Metroid Franchise
Do you know what one of the defining experiences of Metroid is? It is going back through areas you have gone through but having a different experience. You are more powerful. You are faster. Before, you tip toed through the area. Now you are racing through. Before, the enemies were dangerous. Now, they just instantly die in your wake. Part of the fun also is to get from point A to point B quicker, faster. You dash. You screw attack through. You spin jump through.
From Parish’s preview:
There’s even a teleporter located in each zone (the green T-shape on the hand-drawn map) that allows you to easily zip back and forth between areas, a much-needed addition to the classic Metroid formula.
But it is not ‘much needed’. Metroid Prime didn’t have such a mechanic, and it was much harder to move around in a 3d space.
Besides, Metroid already had a ‘teleporter’. They were called elevators.
Above: Samus Aran is going to another area. Thanks elevator!
People may say, “But Malstrom, Breath of Wild has fast travel.” So did the original Legend of Zelda. If we are looking for a game like classic 2d Metroid, this fast travel should not be there. It indicates the level design is wrong which is why it would be ‘needed’. We expect Metroid level design to be so well done to be able to zip through the earlier areas at high speed later on in the game.
In return, though, she begins the adventure with the ledge grab skill that she canonically learned in Zero Mission — a power she lacked her first time through this adventure.
I despise the ledge grab so much.
Also new here from the original game: Doors. The only doors that appeared in Metroid II were the red (well, “red”) ones that could only be opened with five missiles. Otherwise, the interior of SR-388 took the form of a free-flowing series of caverns with momentary loading transitions between individual sections but no hard barriers. The addition of standard Metroid-style bubble doors here doesn’t simply help make a game that’s always been an aesthetic outlier to the series feel more like its kin, it has also allowed the designers to create more involved navigational challenges. Besides the doors that can only be opened with charged shots, I’ve also encountered doors barred by a variety of weird life forms (purple eyeball creatures or green foliage) as well as doors whose power supply has been cut off and won’t work until Samus gets the lights working again. On top of that, SR-388’s interior has now been divided into standalone zones connected by elevators, as in every other 2D Metroid game.
Do you know why there weren’t doors or elevators in Metroid 2? IT IS BECAUSE METROIDS CAN’T USE DOORS AND ELEVATORS.
Above: “Hello! I am a Metroid. I don’t know how to use doors and elevators!”
If Metroids knew how to use doors and elevators, we’d have a very different game. Metroids would be following us into other rooms going through the blue doors. Or Metroids would be taking the elevators down to us. The red doors in Metroid 2 made sense because those were Chozo areas. Chozo used doors. Metroids don’t use doors.
The reason why SR388 didn’t have elevators or doors like Zebes is because SR388 was the homeworld of the Metroids. Zebes was the headquarters for the Space Pirates. Pirates use doors and elevators. Not metroids!
Above: “I had no idea Metroids can’t use doors. Hurr Durr, I am Sakamoto!”
Now Sakamoto could throw in bullshit space pirates living on the Metroid homeworld (really? How could they survive!?) just so he can throw in Ridley and add some dialogue (because Metroids do not have dialogue, though I expect Sakamoto to start having the Metroids talk to us. Hell, they are already using doors and riding elevators in his ‘remake’).
That said, I’m not certain I’m completely smitten with this remake. I’m still coming to terms with the much-vaunted melee counter system, in which the optimal way to fight nearly every single creature in the game is to let it charge aggressively at Samus and stun it for an instant kill with a properly timed retaliatory strike. I see what MercurySteam was going for, I think, but so far I’ve found it can be a distraction and often bogs down exploration and backtracking with the need to engage in the same semi-passive ritual any time you encounter a monster.
This is not MercurySteam’s doing. This is Sakamoto’s doing. NO ONE THINKS METROID GAMEPLAY IS ABOUT MARTIAL ARTS MELEE. NO ONE. Except Sakamoto. Metroid: Other M is FULL of it.
This paragraph is striking because previews are always written as ‘la la la, this game is sooo awesome’ even if the game is bad. You never hear criticisms of a game in the preview. Never. They are held back for the review.
Sakamoto is not a fan of Metroid. Sakamoto is hell bent on a ‘vision’ of Metroid which has Samus Aran be an intergalactic ninja with mommy issues.
A reader may wonder, “Why are there sirens? The game is not out yet.” But many of you remember Metroid: Other M getting hyped to hell and seeing the warnings on this page. Sakamoto was saying crazy stuff like “Super Metroid was about maternity feelings,” which I am screaming NOOOOOO, but reporters and all were just giving him standing ovations every time he opened his mouth. “How genius!” “How sublime!” “I never realized that before!” (hahaha)
The reason why people didn’t see the piece of shit called Metroid: Other M coming is because they didn’t understand why Zero Mission and Fusion were bad Metroids. There were 2d 16-bit Metroids. That was enough for most people. But if you dig deeper, you can see how Fusion totally fucked up the Metroid storyline (no Metroid game has yet to be made after Fusion in the story line), the crappy dialogue between Samus and Adam in the computer, the stupid space station, the linearity, etc. etc. Zero Mission was Sakamoto pissing on the original Metroid by adding ninja moves, cutscenes, and even added a ‘ninja stealth mission’ at the end of the game just because “fuck you Metroid fans, this is real Metroid, Samus Aran is a ninja not a woman in a robot suit”. (That does seem to be the heart of it. Everything Sakamoto is doing seems to be combating that Samus Aran is a woman in a robot suit. Hence, the focus on Samus Aran’s ‘ninja moves’ and on her feelings and the removal of the suit entirely in BOTH Zero Mission [zero suit samus] and Fusion [that ugly purple ninja suit she uses].)
There are going to be people who will applaud Sakamoto Returns just because they lack enough taste to like any 2d Metroid regardless. But others are going to be more discriminating. In addition, there is much more competition today.
Poor Sakamoto! This is not the GBA days where his 2d Metroid games had no competition or alternatives. Today, there are. There is even a 2d Metroid 2 Remake already made.
The point is: we don’t have to take Sakamoto’s shit. Why Sakamoto is allowed to have ANYTHING to do with Metroid especially after Metroid: Other M makes no sense whatsoever.
I think the discrepancy is that Nintendo misbelieves Fusion and Zero Mission were successes (they weren’t, both of them harmed the series. Metroid Prime is the true success story which Sakamoto had nothing to do with.). Another discrepancy is that Nintendo believes Sakamoto was behind the success of Metroid and Super Metroid. He wasn’t. Sakamoto is the Metroid guy today because all the former developers of Metroid have retired or died. Then there is Metroid II for the Gameboy which Sakamoto HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH. This idea that Sakamoto is the genius behind 2d Metroid or any Metroid is just flat out wrong.
You can tell the tree by its fruit. Even those who disagree on my take on Fusion and Zero Mission, how on earth can anyone who ‘understands Metroid’ make a game like Metroid: Other M?
The good news is that Sakamoto’s shit won’t be stinking up the Switch. Maybe Nintendo DOES know because Nintendo is confining Sakamoto to the 3DS and putting him with a remake of a gameboy game. If that’s not the Nintendo doghouse, I don’t know what is.