Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 25, 2016

Why is Metroid Federation Force even being made?

Any close observer of Nintendo will quickly notice how much the company blatantly lies. The question has always been ‘why the lies’? Malstrom’s interpretation: arrogance and ego. In fact, I place the enormity of the blame of the 3DS and Wii U disaster of arrogance and ego. It is the arrogance of Nintendo developers to think they could make ‘3d’ to work when they never have been able to do so. Wii U is nothing more than a HD Gamecube + Connectivity with some 2d platformers and the Wii branding. Gamers can smell the arrogance.

The above video is an attempt to ‘perfume’. Seriously, nothing in the above video is impressive. The shooter looks average at best. Why Next Level Games was told to make this shit, no one knows.

The big, big lie is Tanabe saying Nintendo wanted to attempt to make a first person shooter on a handheld. WTF was Metroid Prime Hunters? It was even included as a demo with launch DS systems. Metroid Prime Hunters NAILED the Metroid aesthetic and delivered crisp, excellent Quake 3 type gameplay. Hunters has remained popular in legacy as it tends to disappear fast in used stores. My problem with Hunters is hand cramps… the same problem I have with most DS games.

Above: This is ten years old and still is more Metroid than anything Sakamoto or Nintendo has put out. Damn impressive especially concerning the DS hardware.

Hunters at least came up with additional characters. Nintendo lacks that creativity today.

Listening to Tanabe say that the art style was chosen due to technical issues and that they wanted to try to make a handheld shooter is so insulting. Metroid Prime Hunters was the handheld shooter. It faced much more difficult technical issues than the 3DS hardware has. No. I do not believe this bullshit. There is another reason.

I don’t think Nintendo liked Hunters. Hunters was too ‘hardcore’ (oh, that word), it was too masculine, too much testosterone. Federation Force is so effeminate that multiplayer is nothing more than shooting a giant ball. Whose balls are they shooting? Metroid’s balls.

One question I always had is why is Nintendo OBSESSED with making a handheld shooter? Why not be obsessed with making a HOME CONSOLE shooter first? A home console shooter would certainly help Nintendo out, as Goldeneye proved. So why does Nintendo take the action it does? The only conclusion I can take form it is arrogance and cultural bias.

I’m hoping Federation Force is a leftover from Generation 8 Nintendo just as that Gamecube pinball game or Chibi-robo was for the Gamecube in the latter stages of Generation 6. What a piece of shit Federation Force is. And fuck you Nintendo for fucking over Metroid.

Fuck you, Tanabe.

Fuck you, Sakamoto.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 22, 2016

The Collapse of Civilization

Pokemon Go is a disease. Look at this! The stigma against it will be sharp and swift.

Above: Malstrom appears at 2:33 (a Malstrom, not THE Malstrom) who informs that this is, in fact, the End of the World. Notice the guy who appears afterward who doesn’t shower and only eats hotdogs. No testosterone. Completely neutered. Women will be repulsed by him. 

Dos Equis Gifs to the World what confused stunned dos equis

Pokemon Go? Hell no!

Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 21, 2016

Now You’re Playing With Power!


Dos Equis Gifs to the World lol laughing laugh haha




It will sell more than the Wii U!!!

Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 20, 2016

Email: Aonuma on Zelda

I love this article that was just posted.  Miyamoto told Aonuma “you don’t know the mold” of Zelda, which absolutely true, and which explained why Aonuma was having trouble directing the development team of the new game.  Also, Aonuma got negative feedback from Skyward Sword, and realized that turning everything (even combat) into puzzles wasn’t a smart idea.


I love how he keeps acting like everyone wants his puzzles. We don’t. The change in the combat system was also badly needed. Although we haven’t seen any of the story elements, Zelda BoW “WOW!” isn’t *lame* yet like every Zelda game seems to be.

Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 19, 2016

Email: The NES Classic Edition

Most likely, these are excess Wii Mini systems in a new case with the
disc drive removed. Nintendo has said both that no more games beyond
the 30 included can be added and that there’s no cartridge slot.

Since these are Wii Virtual Console versions of the games, expect the
same slight input lag and dark colors that they have.

As for the 30 games themselves, it’s a great selection but (in my
opinion) some of them should have been removed and replaced. I’d
personally remove:

– Double Dragon II: The Revenge
– Ice Climber
– StarTropics
– Super C
– Tecmo Bowl

And replace them with:

– Contra (the first game is much more well known, and better received)
– Double Dragon (ditto)
– Life Force
– Mega Man 3
– Tecmo Super Bowl (much better than the first game)


I doubt any of these theories of what the Mini is made out of will remain true. It’s a new product so it likely uses new parts.

Why replace any? ADD. “Nintendo is an AND company,” Reggie used to say. Instead of Mini 2, have a Mini Deluxe or Mini Plus and put in FORTY games or FIFTY NES games. The NES library is so rich that it can easily provide them.

In addition to those thirty, I would add non-sequels first (Life Force isn’t a real sequel):

Life Force
Blaster Master
Dragon Warrior 3
River City Ransom
Tetris (Nintendo can find a way)
Adventures of Lolo 3
R. C. Pro-Am 2
Duck Tales (Capcom can find a way)

Want more? OK.

Marble Madness
Kung Fu
Vice Project Doom
Maniac Mansion
Lode Runner
Bionic Commando
Rescue Rangers (Capcom can find a way)

Want more?

Blades of Steel
Metal Gear
Baseball Stars
Adventure Island II
Micro Machines (licensing issue)
Metal Storm
Rad Racer
Wizards and Warriors
Gargoyle’s Quest II

You need more, reader? Very well:

Double Dragon
Mega Man 3
Ninja Gaiden II
Demon Sword
Journey to Silus
Power Blade
The Guardian Legend
Little Samson

And how can I forget Paperboy????

The NES Mini commercial better have the house rocket up into space just like the original!!!


Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 15, 2016

Email: The NES game missing the most…

Tetris IP is controlled by The Tetris Company and they have bizarre rules about any new releases of Tetris. Tetris must allow spinning the blocks even once they land or something. It is dumb.
Without Tetris, I doubt Nintendo would ever make a Gameboy Retro system.
Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 14, 2016

Email: New NES input lag

You asked a question as to whether the new NES will have input lag. Since it uses an HDMI cable, odds are that it naturally uses a progressive scan mode that is not 240p (some HDTVs don’t even support 240p and the Virtual Console doesn’t use it by default). So it’s probably 480p, 720p or 1080p. Maybe it has resolution options. This shouldn’t produce any unnatural input lag since an HDTV won’t have to deinterlace the signal internally (240p signals get misread and deinterlaced by HDTVs). It’ll just depend on the HDTV’s own inherent input lag (there are online input lag databases that rank the best and worst TVs by input lag). Just make sure to select “game mode” on your TV to reduce the lag. Also, the new NES controller apparently plugs into and works with a Wii Remote. I might have to buy myself one of those things for that functionality alone.

As for an SNES mini, I can think of a few games that are not on your list.

First, how about Joe and Mac? That’s a good two-player co-op game.

Also, you forgot about racing games. Why not the Top Gear series (at least the first game. It has badass music) and Super Off Road? Both are good options.


Since it isn’t actual hardware, it is going to FEEL off especially with how sensitive twitchy some of the NES games are. I find Super Mario Brothers 3 to be ‘off’ on any hardware but the NES including All-Stars and the Virtual Console version.

Turn based Final Fantasy won’t have any issue so that is worth it for me. Pac-Man might be OK. The rest of the games could be unplayable to NES stalwarts. Even something a little off makes Gradius or Metroid unplayable. It is interesting how twitch sensitive NES games are. On the SNES, the library becomes less twitch.

The SNES list I made wasn’t about games I wanted, but about a more probable list. I used only third party companies that were used with the NES Mini. Licensed games wouldn’t work (Top Gear is probably licensed). NES version of Off Road is better than Super Off Road so I doubt that would make it to a SNES mini. Axelay could be on there. But I doubt Nintendo would include multiple shmups. Axelay or Gradius 3? I do not like games like Super Tennis, but Nintendo might put it on because there needs to be sports games. BTW, why wasn’t Tecmo Super Bowl put on the NES Mini? Licensing issues?

My dream Mini would be one, very small in size, that would be filled with mostly mulitplayer games (and a few RPGs for kicks). We would sneak the Mini into businesses into the break rooms and have Blessed Nintendo Multiplayer Experiences during lunch or wherever.

I would like to see added to NES Mini:

Lifeforce (Konami)

Jackal (Konami)

Yoshi (Nintendo’s game)

Super Dodge Ball (Leland? Probably not available)

River City Ransom (publisher probably wasn’t available for the Mini)

People don’t realize that the NES generation player could buy that Mini and just be delighted with those 30 games for a year or two. “How can anyone just play those games for a year or two?” We did. It takes much time to get good at those games too. Now excuse me while I play Mega Man 1. I feel a retro fix coming upon me.




Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 14, 2016

Virtual Boy Mini?

Don’t tempt Nintendo. Just don’t.

Pictured Above: Actual video footage of Nintendo offices at the local Virtual Reality shrine where Virtual Boy is encased

Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 14, 2016

NES Mini pages

Here is the Amazon page.

Here is the Official Page (check it out, it is very snazzy).


Posted by: seanmalstrom | July 14, 2016

What games would be on a SNES mini?

If you guys are saying Starfox and Yoshi Island 2, I’m going to laugh. Games with the special chips will not be included. I don’t even think the DSP1 chip will be included.

Here are 30 possible games for a SNES mini based on the third party companies that supported the NES mini and that do not use special SNES chips:

Super Mario World
The Legend of Zelda A Link to the Past
Super Metroid
Contra 3 Alien Wars
Final Fantasy 2 (IV)
Secret of Mana
Gradius 3
Wario’s Woods
Super Castlevania IV
Super Ghouls and Ghosts
Mega Man X
Demon’s Crest
Chrono Trigger
Final Fantasy II
Super Punch Out
Knights of the Round
UN Squadron
Legend of the Mystical Ninja
Super Street Fighter 2
Donkey Kong Country
Zombies Ate My Neighbors
Final Fight
Mortal Kombat II
Kirby Dream Course
Ogre Battle
Arkanoid Doh It Again
Super Double Dragon

When a company makes a list of such games, it will choose a diversity of genres. In the SNES era, they also must consider violent games so Mortal Kombat 2 may have to go since they do not want to brand the entire mini for teenagers and up. If there was a SNES Mini, I can guarantee Mario World + LTTP + Super Metroid + Wario Woods + Konami Games like Super Castlevania IV and Super Ghouls and Ghosts. Nintendo would try to put on Super Street Fighter 2. Expensive games like EVO and Earthbound might be tried to be included too. Hopefully, Secret of Mana + Chrono Trigger + Final Fantasy IV would all be included as they are all sought after (I doubt a mini could do Final Fantasy 3). Compilations like All-Stars will never be on the Mini.





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