Posted by: seanmalstrom | December 15, 2009

IGN continues to meltdown

Check out their latest podcast. Holy cow! At times it sounds like a Microsoft commercial masquerading as a Nintendo podcast.

I am doing this summary for this reason: I listened to it so you don’t have to. Don’t give these jokers any more hits.

Paraphrasing some of what is being said:

-Wii sucks because PS3/360 have achievements.
-Achievements are an innovation as big as motion controls. Achievements are a better innovation than motion controls.
-When you play Wii games, you do not feel any accomplishment.
-Mad World is awesome, it would have sold if it had achievements and social networking.
-Wants the Miis to copy Avatars in having clothes.
-Mentions Wii Sports Resort and other games by saying it has achievements in it. But says it doesn’t matter because the achievements do not go ‘beyond the game’.
-Mention people in the comments defending Nintendo. “Nintendo fanboys have brainwashed themselves.” IGN staff then mocks Nintendo fans by pretending to be brainwashed: “I don’t want achievements!” “I don’t want HD!” “I don’t want to just sit on the couch and just play!” “I don’t want to get up and wave my arms!”
-Quote: “Turning on my Wii is a very lonely experience” because Wii doesn’t have some Xbox Live system.
-”I don’t know anyone in the Bay area who doesn’t live with a room-mate.” (Not sure I want to interpret that…)
-Podcast then switches to talking about Cassamassina’s “Nintendo is lazy” column.
-Talks about how Gamecube Nintendo used to push big huge games with cutting edge graphics.
-Says Nintendo stopped doing this because they couldn’t compete. (No mention of Blue Ocean Strategy.)
-”Wii has been phenomenally successful, but it is the first Nintendo console I do not want to play.” “A great example of this would be the new Super Mario Brothers for the Wii.”
-Mario 5 doesn’t set the world on fire in how it uses the Wii. It is just “Here’s the game!”
-Call Mario 5 a DS port. “Nintendo just took everything that worked on the DS and just put it on the Wii.”
-”That is how Nintendo has been so financially successful.”
-Says there was no money put into Mario 5. No money for Research and Development.
-Wii is a Gamecube with a new peripheral.
-Nintendo has given up the battle of the epic games to Microsoft and Sony. “Absolutely,” replies another.
-Nintendo doesn’t care to enter the battle of Microsoft and Sony. “And I think it is hurting them in the long run.”
-Nintendo needs to go after the hardcore. One person says their mom has a Wii and hasn’t bought a game for it.
-One person used his Mom’s Wii, puts in the new Mario game, declares the Wii controllers are all dead, then updates the Wii’s firmware. Then says he updates the firmware yet again.
-Craig Harris: Mario Galaxy is epic because of its story (as well as its texture mapping and cutscenes). However, Galaxy isn’t as good as games on the HD Twins because games on the HD Twins have more epic stories.
-Craig Harris isn’t happy how people accept what Nintendo is doing by not putting epic stories into their games. “Link doesn’t talk!”
-Craig Harris after demanding that Nintendo games have voice acting: “I really want to play games like Uncharted 2 on the Wii.”
-”Assassin’s Creed 2 feels like a Mature Zelda game.”
-Craig Harris: “I know video games are in the money making business. But companies like Microsoft and Sony are doing certain things and if Nintendo is going to sit back and relax…”
-”They’re betting that the casual market will be there forever.”
-Nintendo is doomed because Wii is going to become like the N64. Sony is going to sneak up through them.
-”Wii totally reminds me of how it is used in casual households is like the crappy systems you see in Walgreens when you are checking out. Plug and play guitars!” “It’s like a little gimmick when you want to do something with it.”
-Keeps attacking the “casual audience”.
-Likens the “casual players” to what caused the Atari crash in 1983 (not joking, they said it).
-Says Nintendo is where it is at the end of the latter SNES days where Nintendo is sitting comfortably and getting ready to make the N64. Says Nintendo will fall once Sony Wand and Microsoft Natal get released.
-Mentions an email where it asks Cassamassina, “Why don’t you go after Nintendo for being lazy with Mario Galaxy? It is, after all, tons of recycled content with purple coins and all.” They say this doesn’t count since “all games have that.”
-Start bashing Phantom Hourglass.
-Says Wii is best when emulating the PC. “like games as World of Goo.”
-Says if you are a new consumer looking for motion control, you will be wowed by Natal and Wand.
-Say they like Wand because they actually hold it.
-Others say they are skeptical of both Natal and Wand since they are copying what Nintendo is doing.
-Another email says NSMB Wii is being knocked more than it should. Is annoyed people are bashing the side scroller. They disagree with the email and says Nintendo didn’t do anything with Mario 5 except putting out a red box.
-In a Japanese magazine, Miyamoto says he wanted the gameplay to be the same for all four characters in Mario 5.
-Reads an email who says that Mario 5 was scored too high by IGN and should be below an 8.
-Says Gamecube was a hardcore system (I thought it was a kiddy system?)
-Starts bashing Animal Crossing Wii and Wii Music.
-”What is the point of complaining?” says an email. “Because we got tons of comments and tons of traffic,” answers Harris. This is perhaps why this podcast is so intentionally bad.
-Bashes the Quarter 1 release schedule from Nintendo.
-Talk about their favorite Wii games. Mention Mario Kart Wii and Boom Blox.
-Doesn’t know why Excitebots isn’t selling.
-Harris admits he thinks Mario 5 is one of the top games for the system (odd for bashing it so much earlier in this podcast)
-One email asks if Blaster Master sells well on VC, will it get a sequel? (Doesn’t appear they answer this.)
-Says no one will try a VC game they haven’t played.
-Email complains about how Daemon’s WiiWare reviews all complain about leaderboards not being online.
-Tells developers, who might be listening, that it is 2010 that they should only put arcade games with online leaderboards.
-Email asks if Project Hammer being resurrected with Motion Plus. No answer, just hyena sounds as they laugh at their own jokes you can’t make out.

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