Here it is, reader. I will watch it and blog my reactions to it.
Mario and Luigi Brothership
At first, I thought this was an isometric platformer but there is way too much text. Looks like a co-op designed game. Honestly, looks cheap and sterile. Enemies look lame. Nothing I saw here looked interesting. Trailer doesn’t even tell me what genre of game this is. Probably a teamwork shitty game. PASS.
Nintendo Dude is telling me more about the game. I have one of the oldest blogs on Nintendo in the world, and I don’t recognize the Mario and Luigi brand of games. You mean the GBA RPG type games? Is that what this is? Nintendo thinks we know. We don’t know what a Mario and Luigi type game is. After all, one hasn’t been made in nine years. MARKETING FAIL.
-World Championships NES Edition-
Can I play the full NES games normally with this? If so, I buy it day one. But since I know that is a hard no, it is very easy PASS.
Gone are the days when Nintendo can just drape products into NES nostalgia clothing. Either let us buy the games or GET THE FUCK OUT. I don’t need NES games cut up into ‘challenge pieces’. Fuck that shit. That is bonus material on a COLLECTION SET. Put the full NES games onto the Switch cart you fucking cowards.
Next!
-Fairy Tale 2-
Oh boy, another anime RPG type…. thing. And what a shitty name. HARD PASS.
-Fantasian Neo Dimension-
Get it physical. Otherwise, PASS. I played this on Apple shit. It’s not that great. Art is cool. The random monster gimmick is just a gimmick.
-Nintendo Sports Basketball DLC-
Who care? Put it all on physical you cowards! PASS.
-Memories in Orbit or MIO-
Metroidvania with female vocals. Just… great. I despise the art style. PASS.
-Disney Illusion Island-
Is this a new game or an update? Either way, it looks like shit. PASS.
-Hello Kitty Island Adventure-
Now THIS is what I’m waiting for. Greatest of ALL TIME right here! OMG! Hold me, reader….
Yeah. Right.
Hahahaha, it is OPEN WORLD! Bahahahahahaha. Get back with your friends to restore FRIENDSHIP ISLAND. Holy shit! It’s like the Next Zelda game here. Aonuma is going to be all excited about that Friendship Island shit. Watch it appear in the next Zelda.
NEXT!!!
-Looney Tunes: Wacky World of Sports-
Could be interesting for some arcade action and local co-op action. But the art looks really cheap and shitty. So pass.
NEXT!!!
-Among Us-
This must be some online game. Just an update. Meh.
-Farmagia-
WTF. You are growing animals from the ground to make an army. I don’t think that is where animals come from. Retarded developer. Hard pass.
-Donkey Kong Country Returns HD=
Now we’re talking! A physical version of this will be very sweet. Retro goodness. Texas style gameplay. I love it!
Ooohhh, it has the 3DS levels too. This looks like the definitive edition of that Donkey Kong Country Returns.
-Dragon Quest III-
Is that the Octopath Trailer voice in this trailer? Glad he keeps getting the gig.
This is so mine. You guys can play your Hello Kitty Adventure, I will stick with this.
Wait… there is more?
I and II remake? For next year?
FUCK YES!!!
So I buy DQ III HD-2D, put it in Backlog Land, and then wait for DQ I and II? Sounds good.
Maybe I should get DQ I-III physical version of Switch before that one becomes rare. You can’t have enough Dragon Quest.
OMG. Yuji Horii is wearing the loudest shirt ever, sitting down and staring at me in a disturbing way. And why is that slime on his lap? Why is it smiling like that? Creepy…
Yeah, that’s right. III does come first story wise.
-Funko Fusion-
I *hate* Funko. Those damn things have invaded every classic video game store. They must die!!!
Next!!!
-Luigi’s Mansion 2 HD-
This was already announced. Yawn.
-The New Denpa Men-
This looks gay as shit. Get that crap out of here.
NEXT!!!
-Metal Slug Attack Reloaded-
This isn’t Metal Slug. This is Metal Slug sprites in a tower defense type game. What a load of shit. At least include the FULL Metal Slug game. HARD PASS MOTHER FUCKERS!!!
NEXT!!!!!
-Darkest Dungeon 2-
I never was able to get into the first one, so this one is a snore. Pass.
Next!
-Online Virtual Console Games-
Link to the Past is always good, but who cares about Four Swords shit? Aonuma doesn’t know shit about Zelda. Pass on this.
Metroid Zero Mission people will like. Unfortunately, it’s a shitty game. It’s a remake of the first game because the first game contradicts Sakamoto’s “narrative vision”. You see Samus doing shit she shouldn’t like stealth gameplay and all. What a shitty waste of a Metroid game.
N64 Mature 17+? That actually exists? Bahahahahahahahahaha.
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter! Oh no! Polygon thing is going to get you! So scary! Run, reader! Run!
Perfect Dark? Meh.
-Phantom Brave: The Lost Hero-
Never heard of Phantom Brave. Tactical turn based anime shit where you combine other shit.
Fuck this shit.
NEXT!!!
-Marvel vs. Capcom Fighting Collection: Arcade Classics-
Whoa! What is this?
Collection of arcade games? Oh yes. Tell me more.
X-Men VS. Street Fighter? I like both franchises so YES to this.
Marvel VS. Capcom 2. No idea what this is but looks cool.
The Punisher. A beat up game. So this isn’t all fighting games. This is already a MUST BUY for me. Keep talking, narrator. KEEP TALKING.
So it dumps a list on us. We have Xmen, Marvel Super Heroes, Marvel Super Heroes VS Street Fighter and the first Marvel VS Capcom.
I think this collection looks fantastic. I will buy it immediately. So long as they didn’t edit it to include DEI shit in there. One must worry these days.
It better be physical.
-Super Mario Party Jamboree-
Oh no…. not this. I’ll keep an eye on this one. Might be good.
Goomba Lagoon!? Looks too scary for me.
Next!
–Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom-
Art style is cute, but it is a shitty 3d game. Why not just use 2d? Gameplay looks 2d. So this is the Zelda game finally.
Holy shit! I had to Alt-Tab when Aonuma came onto screen. Scared the shit out of me.
Look at Aonuma. He has a Colonel Sanders (Japanese style) look to him. He is wearing a blazer which is nice. But he is wearing a Zelda T-shirt which is the opposite of nice. This guy can’t dress. Why does Nintendo allow him to go out in public?
If someone dressed like Aonuma was walking around? I’d just burst out laughing. You don’t put a blazer over a tacky T-shirt. Just wear the tacky T-shirt. Own it. This is as ugly as Xbox Head wearing a suit jacket with a hoodie. Why wear a suit jacket if you’re going to wear that ugly ass T-shirt?
At least the shirt has the Triforce on it. Maybe Aonuma can tell us where the Triforce went to in Zelda games. But he is opening his mouth now to speak. I doubt he will tell us.
So Aonuma is saying that this is a Zelda game in a top down perspective where Zelda isn’t using a sword. This is to invent a new style.
BULLSHIT!!!!
Everyone knows Aonuma cannot match the gameplay of Legend of Zelda or Link to the Past. The reason why is Aonuma, himself, publicly declared he hated playing both games. You cannot make a good successor to a game you don’t like to play.
OK, let’s see the gameplay.
[watches gameplay]
-Mysterious voids swallowing people including Link.
-Sidekick staff named Tri
So the gameplay is around Link to the Past’s Cane of Somaria. And there is no or little combat. It is just… puzzles.
This is not how you make a Zelda game, Aonuma.
And for God’s sake. Learn how to dress!
Hard pass on this. I’m never buying another Zelda game again. Puzzles are not a game. Puzzles and collectathons are not Zelda, fuck you, Aonuma.
NEXT!!!!
-Just Dance 2025 Edition-
God no. Why the fuck does this thing even still exist? Just shoot me already.
NEXT!!
-Lego Horizon Adventures-
Is this Open World? Might be good if I was 5 years old. Ooohh, fearsome Thunderjaw! Hahahaha, costumes and build your own house. Then you can play co-op which already puts the game beyond Aonuma’s shitty games. You can’t even play Zelda: Zelda Edition in co-op. That Zelda shit is nothing more than Open World Lolo (which would be cool if it was Lolo).
-Stray-
I’m surprised to see this game on the Switch. Must be a major graphical downgrade. Just get the PS5 version.
Next!
-Tales of the Shire-
I don’t know what this shit is, but it looks better than Zelda.
Next!
-Ace Attorney Collection-
DS games have gone up in value I think. Might be worth picking up.
-The Hundred Line, Last Defense Academy-
Why is their talking all fucked up?
WTF is this?
WTF am I seeing?
No.
Just no…
School Invaders?
Fucking drugged up developers.
Get me out of here! NEXTTTT
-Romancing Saga 2 Remake-
Interesting. I have the HD version already. I’ll probably pick this up. Easy buy actually.
Oh snap. Anime girl crossing her legs. Game is going to get a +17 rating there.
-Metroid Prime 4-
Graphically, not too impressive. I do like seeing Slylux or whatever his name was. Hunters was great game. So far, it looks like it plays like other Metroid Primes. But why is it being called 4?
Beyond?
Beyond what?
Beyond this? Beyond that?
You can’t go BEYOND Metroid Prime 4 unless you mean Switch 2. WTF? Stupid shitty title.
2025!??? WTF is this shit!????? Give it to me now, Nintendo. You announced this game when the Switch launched. It’s been like… SEVEN YEARS or something like that. Why are you announcing this now?
So you don’t want it around when you announce Switch 2?
So Metroid Prime 4 is being sent to die.
Just like how Metroid: Samus Returns (Sakamoto Jank) was released at the tail end of 3DS and completely forgotten for Switch launch.
Speak, Nintendo President. What else do you have to say?
And he says nothing. Typical.
-Conclusion-
I’ll talk more about these games later. Let us see what games there I will be buying. Metroid Prime 4 doesn’t count since it isn’t coming out this year. We still have like six months left for the year so meh.
WILL BE BUYING (Physical Only):
-Fantasian Neo (game sucks but I want physical)
-Donkey Kong Country Returns HD (HD upgrade is nice).
-Dragon Quest III HD-2D (Need I explain this?)
-Marvel VS Capcom Fighting Arcade Collection (Sweet collection here.)
–Ace Attorney Collection (I never got into it on the DS. So I probably will skip this. Yeah, I’m going to skip it so scratch it out, editor.)
-Romancing Saga 2 Remake #45 (Looks interesting.)
So I only see five games I’ll be buying for the rest of the year for Switch. All of them are old games. Some are collections, others remade. I just want the physical versions of them.
I think this Direct is pretty lame, honestly. Cool Square Enix stuff like Dragon Quest III, Romancing Saga 2 and Capcom collection. Donkey Kong Returns HD is nice for Nintendo to put out. Since they’ve ported over the Wii U games, now they are moving onto Wii games.
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