Nintendo Direct Fall 2015

 

I really, really do not like this ‘Fireside Chat’ vibe of Nintendo Directs. I don’t care for the skits. Nintendo’s aura also comes across as…. effeminate? It’s not kiddy, but it isn’t adult. It feels like someone is trying to sell Japanese crap. It feels more like the salesmanship is about selling the Japanese instead of selling the games. Ex: “Xenoblade X has an open world design like Western RPGs.” So what? So did non-Aonuma Zelda games. If you have to announce a Western trait in one of your games, then you know these products are not designed for the market’s consumption.

Starfox looked really, really bad. I mean, really terrible. Is that a N64 game? Not only does it look awful and the thought of me playing it makes me so hostile I want to throw something against the wall, the vibe of the game is all fucked up. Where is the masculinity… of anything? “But these are 3d polygon space ships.” I mean where is the kickass music, the danger, the sense of heroism? God, I hope Starfox bombs to hell. Fuck Miyamoto and his direction on that game. Starfox has not had a successful game since the N64 version (which I thought was terrible anyway).

Xenoblade X looks cool.

That Pokemon RPG game looks really cool. I can’t believe I said that.

Linkyle looks like a ripoff of Diablo 3’s Demon Hunter.

Fire Emblem is a POS franchise (boy, I am going to hear about that from the fans) and even Nintendo knows it. They want you to buy the game three times! hahahahahahahaha, Fire Emblem gamers are SO STUPID they will probably do it too! And be sure to get the themed 3DS as well! Suckers.

The new Final Fantasy game looks like junk.

Splatoon and Mario Maker additions…. meh.

As for Cloud in Smash, they should rename Smash to ‘Japanese Brothers’. ATTENTION NINTENDO: WHERE ARE THE WESTERN CHARACTERS? That’s right, Smash is only going to be a Japanese only crowd.

Oh, and now time for a commercial:

This commercial is so outrageously good; it looks like it comes from the 1980s. It is very ‘Christmas’. Tree up and very family friendly games. All white family with a FATHER present. I mean, come on, in 2015 that is a fantasy land. Usually it is a single mom with three or four kids from different dads and different ethnicity. I’m not saying anything but that Nintendo is going for a squeaky clean image and seems to be targeting middle class. Too bad middle class don’t have money to buy Wii U.