Posted by: seanmalstrom | February 24, 2017

What they are saying about Zelda

Image result for breath of the wild

Ocarina of Time has met its match.


The new combat system requires skill and patience.


Not only is travel faster, but the… world packs in an enormous amount of content.



In many ways this game represents a breath of fresh air, the next major step for a superb franchise. It’s hard to even care about small problems when you’re watching Nintendo lay out its vision for the future of its grandest saga.

…will be remembered for revitalizing a franchise that had, for a time, seemingly settled for being merely great instead of revolutionary. Once again, Nintendo is demonstrating its unparalleled ability to craft some of the greatest gameplay this industry has ever seen.


But this is still a well-written story that calls forth a variety of emotions on your quest to free the world from evil.


Recent entries in the series got into the predictable habit of introducing a new item in each dungeon that you would subsequently use to solve most of the puzzles and defeat the boss. Thankfully, that’s no longer the case in [Zelda], and the experience is much better for it.


because it truly pulls from the franchise’s entire history, even addressing the winding narrative directly within its story. It captures a grandness and scope we haven’t seen since the 2D era. It advances combat and control in the most significant way since Ocarina of Time. It finds a tonal and visual harmony between Wind Waker and Twilight Princess. And, most importantly, it leaves a mark on the franchise that future installments will no doubt draw inspiration from for years to come.


Most importantly, every second is fun. No developer in the world does controls as well as Nintendo when it sets its mind to it, with such pleasurable feedback that simply manipulating the game is rewarding – and no developer designs games around controls so well.

And then there are the production values. Despite the Wii’s modest power, [Zelda] is a very beautiful game, saturated with great artwork in dreamy pastels, rough edges smoothed away by impressionistic, painterly textures and atmospheric haze. Audio is even better. Evocative and richly informative effects are backed by a musical score that’s outstanding even by Zelda’s lofty standards, and has immense range: soaring orchestral themes, delicate ballads, insistent martial drums and looping abstractions.





“Wow!” says the reader as he joins other readers inside a very disgusting Zelda orgasm. “Breath of the Wild is going to be THE BEST GAME EVER!”

But reader, there is a problem.

“Were the quotes above not said?”

They were said.

“But they are incredibly positive! This will be GOTY!”

The problem, dear reader, is that the quotes above are about the last Zelda game: Skyward Sword. Considered a huge flop to the players, game journalists raved about the game. Why, Skyward Sword has had Ocarina of Time ‘met its match’.

I should make an adlib program that takes old Zelda reviews, chops them up, and creates a random new Zelda article from them which could be applied to the next game.

All the Breath of the Wild previews you are hearing about are bullshit. You are not reading previews, you are reading MARKETING. They will all say what Nintendo wants them to say. How can they determine the value of Breath of the Wild or the Switch when NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY PAID FOR IT!!???

Zelda fans lapping up this bought and paid for Nintendo propaganda called ‘previews’ demonstrate their low IQ. These people are truly dumb and are likely, in real life, to have others use them like a donkey.

The real question is why do these game journalists deserve to get ANY early access than the rest of us? And why not allow some smaller Youtubers or journalists that same access? The reason why is these ‘game journalists’ are literally being bought and paid for. When you are given exclusive access, you are given exclusive privilege to the game which drives all traffic to you.

If these same game journalists got the game at the same time everyone else did, would anyone bother going to their websites? No way. These game journalists do not possess the talent or trust of the gaming audience which is why they must be given exclusive access. This exclusive access comes with a price: it is expected for them to SELL the game to Nintendo audience.

My suggestion: ignore previews and go play the original Legend of Zelda. When BoW comes out, you’ll be ready to directly compare it to the original Zelda.

*tldr- if you are reading the Zelda BoW previews for information, you have a low IQ. The previews are not there for information, they are there to reel YOU in.*



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